My Dry Bones Live

I opened the pew Bible in church yesterday so that I could follow along as the pastor read the morning's text. I was still hearing the choir's special in my mind and fondly remembering singing it during college when I suddenly found myself moved to tears by the words of scripture.

I read and heard:

Ezekiel 37

The Valley of Dry Bones
1 The hand of the LORD was on me, and he brought me out by the Spirit of the LORD and set me in the middle of a valley; it was full of bones. 2 He led me back and forth among them, and I saw a great many bones on the floor of the valley, bones that were very dry. 3 He asked me, “Son of man, can these bones live?”

I said, “Sovereign LORD, you alone know.”

4 Then he said to me, “Prophesy to these bones and say to them, ‘Dry bones, hear the word of the LORD! 5 This is what the Sovereign LORD says to these bones: I will make breath[a] enter you, and you will come to life. 6 I will attach tendons to you and make flesh come upon you and cover you with skin; I will put breath in you, and you will come to life. Then you will know that I am the LORD.’”

7 So I prophesied as I was commanded. And as I was prophesying, there was a noise, a rattling sound, and the bones came together, bone to bone. 8 I looked, and tendons and flesh appeared on them and skin covered them, but there was no breath in them.

9 Then he said to me, “Prophesy to the breath; prophesy, son of man, and say to it, ‘This is what the Sovereign LORD says: Come, breath, from the four winds and breathe into these slain, that they may live.’” 10 So I prophesied as he commanded me, and breath entered them; they came to life and stood up on their feet—a vast army.

11 Then he said to me: “Son of man, these bones are the people of Israel. They say, ‘Our bones are dried up and our hope is gone; we are cut off.’ 12 Therefore prophesy and say to them: ‘This is what the Sovereign LORD says: My people, I am going to open your graves and bring you up from them; I will bring you back to the land of Israel. 13 Then you, my people, will know that I am the LORD, when I open your graves and bring you up from them. 14 I will put my Spirit in you and you will live, and I will settle you in your own land. Then you will know that I the LORD have spoken, and I have done it, declares the LORD.’”

I must admit that I felt foolish sitting there with tears literally dripping into my lap before the sermon even began. But I couldn't help it. The Holy Spirit--the Breath of Life--the very breath that breathed life into those dry bones to which Ezekial spoke--was blowing through me.

You see, my life felt dried up and dead four years ago at this time. I had reached a very dark, low place where I felt as if I was only a broken skeleton of who I used to be. I had little desire to continue going through the motions that I called life, yet God breathed new life into me through the gentle winds of time and now I stand fully alive and ready to face this world.

I find myself having trouble expressing the depth of what I feel today--the profundity of worship yesterday. And so I will end this simple note with the words of yesterday's pastor that, again, moved me to tears. And let me just say...yesterday's pastor was my dear friend Mandy and I cannot be anymore grateful to have her in my life than I am today:

But, for many of us in this place we have experienced a similar exile. It comes when we realize that the faith of our fathers, the faith that we were raised with and taught, no longer fits. When we can’t make sense any longer of black and white theology and instead find ourselves in the foreign land of gray. It is when we question what we’ve been taught, we reject it, and we’re left lying in the valley without firm ground beneath us. And yet, the spirit breathed into us a new spirit. For God is the champion of the broken, the despairing, and the exiled. With God, brokenness is never the end of the story. Despair is never the end of the story. Death is never the end of the story.

The spirit blows where it will, choosing even to brood upon the face of the deep chaos of who we are and the relationships that fill our lives. And perhaps if we stick around in spite of defeat and despair – perhaps even if we feel despair deep in our dead and dry bones – the spirit just might knit us back together, breath new winds into our tired selves, and stand us on our feet restored and renewed. For the spirit of God raises dead hopes. The spirit of God is the source of life…even in the valley of death. The spirit of God can breathe into you, and me, and all who experience exile.

“Can these bones live?”

“O Lord God, you know.”

Amen.

(http://www.sardisbaptistcharlotte.org/userfiles/sermons/file_OG9Juqoe_EzekielandtheDryBones.pdf)

A Valentine's Day Reflection

Valentine's Day tends to be either a wonderful day full of love or a dredful day full of wishing for love. Which has this day been for you?

I hope that it's been the former--that, regardless of whether you have a partner who loves you and for whom you feel love--that, regardless of if you have received chocolates or cut flowers or other little gifts--you have been able to sense the love that exists around you...because it is there. Even when it's hard to see, it's there.

It's there in the people who speak to you each day. It's in the birds that sing and thet wind that blows and the sun that shines and the flowers that are beginning to bloom. It's in the story of God and the words that have been passed down for generations. And it's in the teachers who teach you and the leaders who lead you--the family members who support you and this frazzled, overwhelmed writer on the other side of your screen.

Oh, I know. It's not the same thing as having that special someone. I get it. I really do. But I also know that love abounds when we're able to open ourselves up to see it--when we're able to believe in ourselves enough to trust that we are worthy of being loved and that love is what propels us through this life.

If God is love, and God is good, then everything good must come from love, right? And there are good things all around us--breath and food and laughter and tears and inspiration and music and indoor plumbing and computers and memories and hopes and dreams and forgiveness and emotion and time and...the list could go on and on.

Yes, I know. Some of those things can be used for bad. I get that, too. I really do. But goodness, in its most genuine form, is good. And God is good. And God is love. Therefore love--God's love--is the good that permeates this world and keeps it spinning in purposeful motion whenever everything else either seems to be standing still or flying out of control.

So...regardless of whether you are a Valentine's Day lover or hater, today my prayer for you is that you have noticed the Love that is around you. Because it is there. And it is deep. And it is true. And it will stand the test of time far better than chocolate and cut flowers and cards...

So It Seems That We All Just Want To Be Loved

To those who commented--
I don't know who you are, but you have a safe place with me.
And as strange as it might seem to read this:
I love you...though you may struggle to understand it.
Thanks for opening up and sharing.
Below are the responses--meshed together as one.

------

So It Seems That We All Just Want To Be Loved
2/10/11

I often wonder how God can love me:
A struggling parent, unhappy partner, divorcee, ugly teenager, homosexual, absent friend, grandmother, daughter, fumbling Christ-seeker, experienced teacher, college student, rape victim, wandering heart, dreamer, newly-wed, abused soul, minister
Who walks around muttering curse words all day,
cannot seem to get life straight, and
simply goes through the motions to fool every one
when deep down I am miserable every minute of the day.

Sometimes I wonder if I will ever find love—
If anyone will ever love me for me or
If I will spend the rest of my life alone.

Because I cannot wrap my mind around the idea of love,
especially unconditional love—the idea that
someone or something out there could love me despite all my
insecurities, down falls, over exaggerations, failures, mistakes, quarks, rash judgments, desires, fantasies, unrealistic dreams, hiccups, questions, and sins.

I read things in the bible that confuse me—
that tell me I am bad and wrong
versus created and called good;
that show a God of extreme jealousy, vengeance, and rage,
versus a God of utter humility, forgiveness, and love.

Sometimes I wonder if God even exists—
If this faith that I’ve built my life upon is even real.

And yet I keep believing.
And I keep hoping in the love which I cannot fathom,
nor attempt to understand.

Today I Stop Pretending

I think it's sad how much we, especially we Christians, feel that we must pretend. We pretend to have everything together--not to question or doubt or disagree with the accepted norm even though, deep down, we do.

We pretend that the difficult issues of pornography, abortion, adultary, extortion, homosexuality, depression, abuse (physical, verbal, and emotional), alcoholism, drug addiction, marital dissatisfaction, ethics, bankruptcy, health care, debt, bitterness, holding grudges, separation, silence, sex, prejudice, stereotypes, deep regret, fantasies, dreams, bullying, doubts about God's goodness and love, about heaven and hell, about the authority of scripture, about missions and evangelism, about Jesus, about the legality of religion, about decisions made in our workplaces...do not exist.

We fear speaking our truth because we fear being judged by those around us, and so we carry around our secrets and allow them to silently eat away at us and make us feel that we're all alone in this world. Yet...we're not.

For every thought that I have, someone else has the same thought. For every feeling you have, someone else has the same feeling. And somehow--and I don't really understand how--knowing that we're not the only ones thinking or feeling as we do provides a certain amount of freedom. It sheds light into darkness. And isn't freedom and light what Jesus came to give us? Isn't he known as the Prince of Peace and the Light of World?

The Post Secret Community (http://www.postsecret.com/) is a place where people can anonymously post their true thoughts and feelings. It's amazing the things that we will post in anonymity--when we know that no one will be able to judge us for speaking our truth--however ugly, gut wrenching, and vulnerable it may be.

As I think about the things that I'd post on Post Secret were I to post, I begin to think: what would you post? And then I begin to wonder, do any of the people that I care about--that I'm connected with on Facebook--have the same hidden thoughts and feelings as me? And if not as me, then as one another? And then I question: If they do, would sharing them with one another--in a network of people who are at least loosely connected with one another and who could pray for one another and send one another positive thoughts of light and love and freedom--make a difference?

So I want to try something. Will you take a step to release some of your "secrets" (questions, doubts, confessions, regrets, struggles, stupid thoughts, whatever) today? Don't worry. You don't have to tell me--or anyone else--who you are. Just comment on this post, and I will receive a notification that someone has commented on the post but I won't know who--and I won't try to figure it out. I won't make the comments public; therefore, no one will be able to tell who you might be because of time or URL address. I'll simply compile a list of what was said--assuming anything is said--and then we, as a community of believers--and even non-believers--can know that we are not alone. And you can all know that I, Deanna Deaton, will care for and stand with not one ounce of judgment for every word said...and that God, Creator/Redeemer/Sustainer loves you--period.

Give it a shot? Share this with your other friends? I know that I could probably go about this some other way, but for now, with the time, energy, and technological skills that I have, this is the best way that I can think of to help shed light on darkness in a safe, non-threatening way. But maybe, just maybe, one day, we'll each have the courage, openness, and freedom to speak truthfully about ALL of ourselves and know that we're not alone...especially within the context of the Body of Christ.