The Ecclesiasties Train

Sometimes I think I could have written Ecclesiastes. Not the parts about being a great King and having wisdom above everyone else and being rich and having a harem. But the parts about questioning the point of life—if there is a point—and deeming all things meaningless—and speaking in circles of logic that can drive one mad.

I have this tendency to think too much—to pay attention to language and words and to strip them down to their raw meaning—to break down illustrations until they don’t work anymore—to make a passing statement one that spirals out of control until it becomes a permanent resident—to ponder and question and mull until either I come to a point of understanding or acceptance or make myself sick trying.

Let me see if I can give an example of what I’m talking about…

The initial statement: “Project Help: Human Exploitation seeks to bring light into darkness. Satan does not like that and is going to attack. If you are going to work in this area, be prepared to engage in spiritual warfare.”

My response train of thought (and you really don’t have to get on this train if you don’t want to; it’s not that fun):

Does Satan really attack? If so, how much power does he have? Do we give Satan more power than he deserves? Who is Satan anyway? And what about God? Does God fight back? Does God swoop down and fix things and fight battles for us at certain times? If so, why not at all times? Does it have to do with prayer? How does prayer work anyway? Can we change God’s mind? Do our prayers influence when God intervenes and saves us or heals us? If that’s the case, then why hasn’t God already eliminated human exploitation and other dark evils? After all, God is all powerful, right? And God is all-knowing? But if God is all-knowing and already knows everything about us before we’re born and has everything planned for God’s own time, then what’s the point in us praying for guidance and seeking God’s direction? Won’t the already planned things just happen?

Why does God choose to listen to some prayers over others? Are some prayers better than others? That doesn’t seem right if God is an all-loving God and we’re all seen as equals in God’s eyes. But are we all equals? If we are, the church certainly doesn’t seem to teach that—except in preschool. We teach us-against-them and that we must stand for right and wrong and in the process we perpetuate discrimination and hatred instead of God’s love. And I just want to share God’s love and redemption and the idea that God wants each of us to be whole. But why would I want to open myself up to being attacked by Satan? Why would I want to put myself in a place to feel frustrated and overwhelmed and sick all the time—which is how I feel when I hear about human trafficking?

If I’m following God and God can intervene and fix things, then shouldn’t God’s power and presence be strong enough to protect against attacks? Or is it more of a journey on which God walks with us and guides us and helps us create goodness and love and hope in the midst of a world that is broken? And is the power of prayer in the words that are spoken and the energy that is released and the relationships that are built?

Can I make a difference through praying? Can I make a difference at all? Because human exploitation has been around forever. Greed, lust, murder, the rich taking advantage of the poor, corruption, murder, discrimination, all of the bad things that we fight against today…they’ve all been around since before Jesus came…and they don’t seem to be going anywhere even after Jesus died and rose again…so making a difference doesn’t really seem to last...so…what’s the point in trying when we’re all just going to die anyway?

Yeh. That’s how my mind works sometimes. Especially late at night. If I’m not careful, then I can get stuck in the impossibilities of my thoughts and begin to sink into a funk. For a time in my life, I did get stuck in the impossibilities and life was very dark. But, for the most part, I’ve learned how to manage the downward spirals, feel through them, and come out on the other side…knowing that:

There is a time for everything. Life is to be lived one step at a time, bringing joy to one person at a time. And we really can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in our toil, believing that life is created by God, trusting that God and God’s love are much bigger than anything we can comprehend and understand.

I’m happy to report that after going to bed in a funk on Saturday night, I spent yesterday climbing my way out of it and today I am okay. Oh. I’m still full of the same questions and I still have no idea what I’m going to do about human exploitation…but I’m okay…and I’m going to make it…and I’m going to eat and drink and find satisfaction in my toil…even when my toil includes getting snowed in at Shocco Springs :-).