so much hurt and preservation
like a tendril round my soul
so much painful information
no clear way on how to hold it
when everything in me is tightening
curling in around this ache
I will lay my heart wide open
like the surface of a lake
wide open like a lake
standing at this waters edge
looking in at God's own heart
I've no idea where to begin
to swallow up the way things are
everything in me is drawing in
closing in around this pain
I will lay my heart wide open
like the surface of a lake
wide open like a lake
bring the wind and bring the thunder
bring the rain till I am tried
when it's over bring me stillness
let my face reflect the sky
and all the grace and all the wonder
of a peace that I can't fake
wide open like a lake
everything in me is tightening
curling in around this ache
I am fighting to stay open
I am fighting to stay open
open open oh wide open
open like a lake
--sara groves
...
when my sister and her family came to visit a few weeks ago, we had a picnic by the lake. as we were finishing up a lovely lunch, my sister's eyes got really big and she said, "run! rain's coming!"
and sure enough, before we could gather up the kids and the picnic supplies, we were momentarily covered with rain.
a perfectly clear day turned into a small but quick storm in the blink of an eye.
sometimes my days are like that, too.
a perfectly good day, filled with accomplishments and a pleasant, open mood, can see a storm roll in before i can gather up my emotions and run to shelter. i suddenly find myself drenched in tears and shut down to either sadness or anger.
today it's sadness. i'm looking grief in the eyes and feeling the sting of change. i am standing in the storm waiting for it to pass. and i know that it will. and then i can clean up the mess and once again look out into the openness of the lake.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Monday, August 30, 2010
A Bowling Reflection
On somewhat of a whim, I joined a bowling team the very first week that I moved to Columbia. I’m glad that I did…because bowling has provided me with many hours of fun and allowed me to get to know some really neat people.
A few months ago, my team—Mel, Laurie (Boss), Bob, and me—bowled in the SC State bowling tournament. During that tournament, we realized that if we could substitute a fourth girl for Bob, then we could enter some women’s events and probably do fairly well. We did. And we bowled in the Azalea Tournament this past Saturday. We’re still waiting for the final results, but when we left on Saturday we were in decent standing…despite my poor, poor performance during the team competition.
While bowling IS fun, it also cuts to the core of my insecurities. I do not like to disappoint people or let them down. I do not like to fail. I do not like to look stupid. I do not like to worry about what other people think about me. And I do not like to feel as if my worth is dependent upon my performance.
During the team competition on Saturday, we were partnered with the top two female bowlers—literally—in the tournament. The other two women on their team were in the top ten. While I struggled to mark, they rolled strike after strike after strike. While I couldn’t get the pins to fall, they made them come crashing down. While my handicap was high, they didn’t have a handicap. While my ball kept going toward the gutter, their balls never came close.
Contrary to some bowlers who know that they’re good, they were extremely nice and encouraging, and I am thankful for that. But bowling against them and being surrounded by the fast pace of the morning and realizing that I was the weakest link in a strong team left me feeling horrible. The morning hooked all of my insecurities and all I wanted to do was disappear and cry.
But then I asked for help from Coach Bob the Bowler. And then we moved to the other end of the bowling alley for doubles and singles. There weren’t as many people, the pace wasn’t as fast, and we weren’t bowling against good-enough-to-be-pros. My body relaxed and my mind focused and I came up with a plan for Boss and myself: Bowl our average or higher. And we did. With the help of our coach, we bowled extremely well during doubles…and as we did, I felt the hooks of the morning slowly loosening their grasp.
I didn’t feel like I was disappointing Boss or letting her down. I didn’t feel like I was failing anymore. I didn’t feel like I looked stupid. I didn’t feel like everyone was wondering why I was there. And, most importantly, I didn’t feel like my worth was dependent upon my performance.
You see, I had friends and family members sending me texts of encouragement, telling me that they believed in and loved me no matter what—to have fun and enjoy the experience because that’s what it’s all about. And I had a team who never once acted disappointed in me or seemed as if they wanted to replace me with someone new. They were glad that I was there with them, cheering for them, bowling with them, spending time with them, and, every once in awhile, making them laugh.
That is grace, my friends. That is love. That is truth. And that is God working in tangible ways to release us and break us free from the fears and oppression of this world.
A few months ago, my team—Mel, Laurie (Boss), Bob, and me—bowled in the SC State bowling tournament. During that tournament, we realized that if we could substitute a fourth girl for Bob, then we could enter some women’s events and probably do fairly well. We did. And we bowled in the Azalea Tournament this past Saturday. We’re still waiting for the final results, but when we left on Saturday we were in decent standing…despite my poor, poor performance during the team competition.
While bowling IS fun, it also cuts to the core of my insecurities. I do not like to disappoint people or let them down. I do not like to fail. I do not like to look stupid. I do not like to worry about what other people think about me. And I do not like to feel as if my worth is dependent upon my performance.
During the team competition on Saturday, we were partnered with the top two female bowlers—literally—in the tournament. The other two women on their team were in the top ten. While I struggled to mark, they rolled strike after strike after strike. While I couldn’t get the pins to fall, they made them come crashing down. While my handicap was high, they didn’t have a handicap. While my ball kept going toward the gutter, their balls never came close.
Contrary to some bowlers who know that they’re good, they were extremely nice and encouraging, and I am thankful for that. But bowling against them and being surrounded by the fast pace of the morning and realizing that I was the weakest link in a strong team left me feeling horrible. The morning hooked all of my insecurities and all I wanted to do was disappear and cry.
But then I asked for help from Coach Bob the Bowler. And then we moved to the other end of the bowling alley for doubles and singles. There weren’t as many people, the pace wasn’t as fast, and we weren’t bowling against good-enough-to-be-pros. My body relaxed and my mind focused and I came up with a plan for Boss and myself: Bowl our average or higher. And we did. With the help of our coach, we bowled extremely well during doubles…and as we did, I felt the hooks of the morning slowly loosening their grasp.
I didn’t feel like I was disappointing Boss or letting her down. I didn’t feel like I was failing anymore. I didn’t feel like I looked stupid. I didn’t feel like everyone was wondering why I was there. And, most importantly, I didn’t feel like my worth was dependent upon my performance.
You see, I had friends and family members sending me texts of encouragement, telling me that they believed in and loved me no matter what—to have fun and enjoy the experience because that’s what it’s all about. And I had a team who never once acted disappointed in me or seemed as if they wanted to replace me with someone new. They were glad that I was there with them, cheering for them, bowling with them, spending time with them, and, every once in awhile, making them laugh.
That is grace, my friends. That is love. That is truth. And that is God working in tangible ways to release us and break us free from the fears and oppression of this world.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Life Verse
Have you ever considered memorizing a passage of scripture or a positive quote and using it as your "life verse"--to guide you through difficult situations and fill you with the reminder of love?
If not, then you should. There's even a passage from the Bible at the bottom of this message for you to consider.
If so, what is your life verse?
It's amazing how having positive words in your mind and heart can help dispel the bad stuff of life. It doesn't take the bad stuff away, but it sure does help you know that you're going to make it through, and it challenges you to live out love when it's hard.
--------
Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Colossians 3:12-15
If not, then you should. There's even a passage from the Bible at the bottom of this message for you to consider.
If so, what is your life verse?
It's amazing how having positive words in your mind and heart can help dispel the bad stuff of life. It doesn't take the bad stuff away, but it sure does help you know that you're going to make it through, and it challenges you to live out love when it's hard.
--------
Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Colossians 3:12-15
A Jamaican Reflection
We've been back from Jamaica for almost two weeks now, but only today have I had a moment to intentionally reflect on my experience there. And here's what's odd: as much as I like to think, connect, and write, I don't know what to say about my trip except that it was really lovely.
Traveling with my coworkers and spending time with them away from the hustle and bustle of normal life...eating with them, talking with them, laughing with them, being silly with them, worshipping with them, enjoying God's beautiful creation together with them...
Not having to a cell phone signal that worked for text messaging or internet surfing and being cut off from the hustle and bustle of normal life (though the surprise of not having it after making arrangements with the phone company threw me off at first)...
Taking in new landscapes and flowers and trees and foods and culture that was slower, less intense, and more relaxed than the hustle and bustle of normal life...
Being treated with honor and respect and appreciation for simply being me and being welcomed with open arms, literally, by women whom I'd never seen and probably will never see again and being challenged to continue forward in my faith and ministry and to give birth to the passions that God has lain on my heart...
Reflecting at the beach. Climbing the falls. Seeing the disparity between the tourist-y areas of Jamaica and the villages that are being transformed by the love and hope of Christ that is demonstrated by mission teams year in and year out. Realizing just how blessed I am to live in a country with good roads and clean water and laws against litter and fairly safe drivers and employment opportunities not dependent on tourism and organization but grieving the fact that I live in a country that is so dependent on the hustle and bustle of life...
It was all lovely.
It was all painfully and beautifully lovely...
Monday, August 23, 2010
What God Doesn't See In You
Plant these thoughts in your mind:
God doesn't see you as unnecessary.
God doesn't see you as too young (or old) to do God's work.
God doesn't see you as having limited capabilities.
Now read read 1 Samuel 16:1-13 and notice how God didn't think David unnecessary even when his family did; how God didn't think David was too young to do God's work even when his family did; and how God didn't think David had limited capabilities even when his family did.
If you don't have a Bible near you, go to www.biblegateway.com and look up the passage.
Remember: God sees the real you--all of you--who you are today and who you will be tomorrow. God gets you. God understands you. God loves you. And God has chosen YOU to share the good news of God's love and redemption with this world.
**notes taken from a sermon by Dr. Tommy Pillow.
God doesn't see you as unnecessary.
God doesn't see you as too young (or old) to do God's work.
God doesn't see you as having limited capabilities.
Now read read 1 Samuel 16:1-13 and notice how God didn't think David unnecessary even when his family did; how God didn't think David was too young to do God's work even when his family did; and how God didn't think David had limited capabilities even when his family did.
If you don't have a Bible near you, go to www.biblegateway.com and look up the passage.
Remember: God sees the real you--all of you--who you are today and who you will be tomorrow. God gets you. God understands you. God loves you. And God has chosen YOU to share the good news of God's love and redemption with this world.
**notes taken from a sermon by Dr. Tommy Pillow.
Help Me Love Me
Sometimes we say, write, or do things that illicit responses that we aren't expecting. That happened to me more than once yesterday.
A simple quote--that I heard in the sermon at the church I was visiting--and a couple of conversations reminded me just how many people are hurting and struggling--even those people that we'd never expect--I dare say especially those people we'd never expect.
Twelve years ago, during my college days, while sitting outside at a campground in Cherokee, NC, where I was doing student summer missions, I cried out a prayer that I still pray today.
Maybe this is a prayer that you pray, too?
Me
7/30/98
I open your word and I read about you
And how you love us, Lord
But then I turn the page and I read about me
And how what I am is wrong
So sometimes I don't understand
What I'm supposed to believe
Is your grace all sufficient, Lord
Is it really okay to be me?
I go to church and praise your name
I want to see your face
But then they tell me I can't serve you, Lord
My sin is far to great
So sometimes I don't understand
What I'm supposed to believe
Is your grace all sufficient, Lord
Is it really okay to be me?
Oh I want to be me
And I want to be free
From this hammer that beats me to the ground
But I just don't know
How to let the hammer go
When I feel that nothing I do is right
When I feel that I am not alright
As I pray to you, I try to feel your arms
Wrapped around my soul
But I can't feel them, Lord
Are you really there—
Do you really care for me?
Cause sometimes I don't understand
What I'm supposed to believe
Is your grace all sufficient, Lord
Is it really okay to be me?
Do you love me?
Yes you love me.
Help me love me.
http://www.reverbnation.com/deannadeaton
(there are two roughly recorded versions on the page--one picked and one strummed)
A simple quote--that I heard in the sermon at the church I was visiting--and a couple of conversations reminded me just how many people are hurting and struggling--even those people that we'd never expect--I dare say especially those people we'd never expect.
Twelve years ago, during my college days, while sitting outside at a campground in Cherokee, NC, where I was doing student summer missions, I cried out a prayer that I still pray today.
Maybe this is a prayer that you pray, too?
Me
7/30/98
I open your word and I read about you
And how you love us, Lord
But then I turn the page and I read about me
And how what I am is wrong
So sometimes I don't understand
What I'm supposed to believe
Is your grace all sufficient, Lord
Is it really okay to be me?
I go to church and praise your name
I want to see your face
But then they tell me I can't serve you, Lord
My sin is far to great
So sometimes I don't understand
What I'm supposed to believe
Is your grace all sufficient, Lord
Is it really okay to be me?
Oh I want to be me
And I want to be free
From this hammer that beats me to the ground
But I just don't know
How to let the hammer go
When I feel that nothing I do is right
When I feel that I am not alright
As I pray to you, I try to feel your arms
Wrapped around my soul
But I can't feel them, Lord
Are you really there—
Do you really care for me?
Cause sometimes I don't understand
What I'm supposed to believe
Is your grace all sufficient, Lord
Is it really okay to be me?
Do you love me?
Yes you love me.
Help me love me.
http://www.reverbnation.com/deannadeaton
(there are two roughly recorded versions on the page--one picked and one strummed)
A New Day
"It's a new day, a new day, a day that's been given to me. Everyone gets one, you see..."
It's that time of year again: the start of a new school year for teachers and students alike. Though I don't find myself thrown back into the hustle and bustle of public school halls, I still think of my teacher friends and former students during this time of year. These are my thoughts today:
The beginning of each school year is like the beginning of a new day.
It is influenced by previous years and activities, but it comes with new chances and opportunities.
It holds possibilities that weren't available before this moment in history and it promises to teach you new things if you keep your mind and heart open to what can be learned.
So to anyone reading who is starting a new year:
May this year grow you in wisdom, strength, and knowledge, and may you find your faith more firmly rooted in the awesome love of God when the year is over and you are able to look back and remember.
Friends, joy, and peace be yours.
Amen.
It's that time of year again: the start of a new school year for teachers and students alike. Though I don't find myself thrown back into the hustle and bustle of public school halls, I still think of my teacher friends and former students during this time of year. These are my thoughts today:
The beginning of each school year is like the beginning of a new day.
It is influenced by previous years and activities, but it comes with new chances and opportunities.
It holds possibilities that weren't available before this moment in history and it promises to teach you new things if you keep your mind and heart open to what can be learned.
So to anyone reading who is starting a new year:
May this year grow you in wisdom, strength, and knowledge, and may you find your faith more firmly rooted in the awesome love of God when the year is over and you are able to look back and remember.
Friends, joy, and peace be yours.
Amen.
Let Me Be Myself
I organized my mix CD's the othe day (yes, I still use the CD player in my car). I found a mix CD treasure in the process. It's one that I accidently stole from a dear friend who had been given the CD by another friend who had thoughtfully and deliberately included songs about struggling through and triumphing over life's difficult journey.
The first song on the CD gets me. When I heard first heard it, I heard it as a cry from those outside of me. When I heard it tonight, I heard it as my cry to the world.
Oh God. May I grant permission and give encouragement to those around me to be themselves--to live into the persons you have created and called them to be and to shine their own unique lights in this world. May I never again stifle someone's spirit or, even with good intentions, try to force her into who I think she should be. Forgive my shortcomings and heal what's been broken in the past, and help me to be believe in, love, and support others like I pray they will believe in and support me. And God? Help me to be me.
---------
I guess I just got lost being someone else
I tried to kill the pain, nothing ever helped
I left myself behind somewhere along the way
Hoping to come back around to find myself someday
Lately I'm so tired of waiting for you
To say that it's okay
But tell me please, would you one time just let me be myself?
So I can shine with my own light,let me be myself
Would you let me be myself?
I'll never find my heart behind someone else
I'll never see the light of day living in this cell
It's time to make my way into the world I knew
And then take back all of these times that I gave into you
But lately I'm so tired of waiting for you
To say that it's okay
Tell me please, would you one time let me be myself?
So I can shine with my own light, let me be myself
For a while, if you don't mind, let me be myself
So I can shine with my own light, let me be myself!
That's all I've ever wanted from this worldIs to let me be me
Please would you one time let me be myself?
So I can shine with my own light, let me be myself
Please would you one time, let me be myself
So I can shine with my own light, let me be myself
For a while, if you don't mind, let me be myself
So I can shine with my own light, let me be myself!
Would you one time, ooh, let me be myself and let me be me?
--3 Doors Down
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f6pvm9Dcjzo
The first song on the CD gets me. When I heard first heard it, I heard it as a cry from those outside of me. When I heard it tonight, I heard it as my cry to the world.
Oh God. May I grant permission and give encouragement to those around me to be themselves--to live into the persons you have created and called them to be and to shine their own unique lights in this world. May I never again stifle someone's spirit or, even with good intentions, try to force her into who I think she should be. Forgive my shortcomings and heal what's been broken in the past, and help me to be believe in, love, and support others like I pray they will believe in and support me. And God? Help me to be me.
---------
I guess I just got lost being someone else
I tried to kill the pain, nothing ever helped
I left myself behind somewhere along the way
Hoping to come back around to find myself someday
Lately I'm so tired of waiting for you
To say that it's okay
But tell me please, would you one time just let me be myself?
So I can shine with my own light,let me be myself
Would you let me be myself?
I'll never find my heart behind someone else
I'll never see the light of day living in this cell
It's time to make my way into the world I knew
And then take back all of these times that I gave into you
But lately I'm so tired of waiting for you
To say that it's okay
Tell me please, would you one time let me be myself?
So I can shine with my own light, let me be myself
For a while, if you don't mind, let me be myself
So I can shine with my own light, let me be myself!
That's all I've ever wanted from this worldIs to let me be me
Please would you one time let me be myself?
So I can shine with my own light, let me be myself
Please would you one time, let me be myself
So I can shine with my own light, let me be myself
For a while, if you don't mind, let me be myself
So I can shine with my own light, let me be myself!
Would you one time, ooh, let me be myself and let me be me?
--3 Doors Down
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f6pvm9Dcjzo
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Images of God
A policeman out to enforce morality.
A genie in a bottle whose job is to grant wishes and requests.
A busy dad who is available for family time only on Sunday.
A grey-haired, bearded grandfather who sits in a chair and watches his grandchildren but doesn't actively participate in their lives.
An old man wearing a white robe—or black clothes to match the space in which he lives.
A magnificent, beautiful figure made of gold and rainbows who sits on a throne.
A green being to match the color of frogs and trees.
Radiant, blinding light or ethereal, ghostly, shadowy sensation.
If we take a few moments to think, then we will realize that we all have "images" of God that come to mind when we speak of God. For some, they are God the Father; for some, theyare God the Son; for others, they are God the Holy Spirit; for others, they fluctuate between all parts of Trinity God; for still others, they are images of nothingness—a void—because God seems not to be there.
My images of God have changed over the years and I imagine they will change again, but for the past few years, they have existed in my mind as:
A loving, compassionate Jesus—dark skin, bearded, in a robe like he would have worn when he walked the earth, a calm non-anxious presence with deep, deep love in his eyes...and very often smiling, laughing, or chuckling.
and
God, in a stationary chair in a cool, pitch black room, again a non-anxious presence, again with deep, deep love in God's eyes, patient, holding a match-box, waiting for a fumbling, searching 'me' to findwhere God IS (and always has been), light the match that I'm carrying, and fuel the light that has always existed and still always exists but so often gets engulfed by darkness.
In a friend's mind, God is the whole of unified existence.
In scripture, God says, "I AM."
Who do you see when you imagine God?
What's more: how does who you see reflect your understandingof the nature and character of an "unchanging" God?
A genie in a bottle whose job is to grant wishes and requests.
A busy dad who is available for family time only on Sunday.
A grey-haired, bearded grandfather who sits in a chair and watches his grandchildren but doesn't actively participate in their lives.
An old man wearing a white robe—or black clothes to match the space in which he lives.
A magnificent, beautiful figure made of gold and rainbows who sits on a throne.
A green being to match the color of frogs and trees.
Radiant, blinding light or ethereal, ghostly, shadowy sensation.
If we take a few moments to think, then we will realize that we all have "images" of God that come to mind when we speak of God. For some, they are God the Father; for some, theyare God the Son; for others, they are God the Holy Spirit; for others, they fluctuate between all parts of Trinity God; for still others, they are images of nothingness—a void—because God seems not to be there.
My images of God have changed over the years and I imagine they will change again, but for the past few years, they have existed in my mind as:
A loving, compassionate Jesus—dark skin, bearded, in a robe like he would have worn when he walked the earth, a calm non-anxious presence with deep, deep love in his eyes...and very often smiling, laughing, or chuckling.
and
God, in a stationary chair in a cool, pitch black room, again a non-anxious presence, again with deep, deep love in God's eyes, patient, holding a match-box, waiting for a fumbling, searching 'me' to findwhere God IS (and always has been), light the match that I'm carrying, and fuel the light that has always existed and still always exists but so often gets engulfed by darkness.
In a friend's mind, God is the whole of unified existence.
In scripture, God says, "I AM."
Who do you see when you imagine God?
What's more: how does who you see reflect your understandingof the nature and character of an "unchanging" God?
Thursday, August 5, 2010
The Lord's Prayer--In My Words
I've been leading music and worship for FBC Aberdeen's children's retreat for the past few days. This year's retreat theme is "The Lord's Prayer." As part of the retreat activities, the children were asked to write the Lord's prayer in their own language. I decided to do it, too. This is what I wrote:
Loving God of heaven and earth
We praise your holy name.
We pray for your love and peace to live through us on this earth,
Just as love and peace exist untainted in your eternity.
We pray that we will know the difference between wants and needs and that our needs will be met;
And we pray that your Spirit will guide us to know where and how to share our abundance.
Forgive us, God, when we mess up, and give us compassion to forgive ourselves and to accept your forgiveness;
Help us, too, to have the strength and courage to forgive those who have hurt us.
Keep our minds and hearts pure and help and protect us as we seek to live lives of unity and grace that honor you.
For you are God and we are not and all praise, glory, and worship belong to you,
Forever and ever and always,
Let it be so.
-----------
What about you? Have you ever written the Lord's prayer in your own language? If not, I challenge you to take the time to do it. And then I'd love for you to share...
Loving God of heaven and earth
We praise your holy name.
We pray for your love and peace to live through us on this earth,
Just as love and peace exist untainted in your eternity.
We pray that we will know the difference between wants and needs and that our needs will be met;
And we pray that your Spirit will guide us to know where and how to share our abundance.
Forgive us, God, when we mess up, and give us compassion to forgive ourselves and to accept your forgiveness;
Help us, too, to have the strength and courage to forgive those who have hurt us.
Keep our minds and hearts pure and help and protect us as we seek to live lives of unity and grace that honor you.
For you are God and we are not and all praise, glory, and worship belong to you,
Forever and ever and always,
Let it be so.
-----------
What about you? Have you ever written the Lord's prayer in your own language? If not, I challenge you to take the time to do it. And then I'd love for you to share...
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Oh My Stanley
My Stanley has taken on a life of his own.
When I visit places now, people ask, "Where's Stanley?" If I've left him at home, they're disappointed.
When I went to the beach with my family and one of my nephews acted as a typical boy and decided to take out his silly aggression on Stanley, I was very distressed. My sister said that I looked shocked and helpless before I found the words to ask him to stop hitting Stanley because Stanley didn't deserve to be punched in the face.
When I looked at Stanley today, with a cute little smile on his face, I imagined him telling me, "I believe in you, Mommy. You're okay. You can do everything you need to get done. One step at a time. But let's take a nap while we can." And so we napped.
But last night is the kicker.
Sunday Night as I was trying to fall asleep, I held on to my Stanley. As I lay there, I imagined him saying, "I can't breathe, Mommy. I can't breathe!" So I turned him over so that he could breathe.
Then I imagined him talking to his friends while I was away and telling them what a horrible mother I am--how I squish him and hold him too tight and sometimes cry myself to sleep and sometimes have irrational thoughts and don't act my age. And I didn't want him to do that. I didn't want him to say bad things about me to his friends.
As I was falling asleep, I realized how ridiculous my thoughts were. I knew that Stanley didn't talk to other animals. I knew that he didn't breathe and that I really wasn't suffocating him. I knew that I was projecting my thoughts about myself onto him and that it was really negative self-talk coming out of my mind...and yet...I fell asleep willing Stanley not to hate me and praying that I'd not be so stressed when I woke up today.
I'm not sure what I dreamed. And I'm not sure how it happened--other than rest--rest is a wonderful thing--being still--knowing that God is God. But I woke up at 2am and felt much better and was able to fall back asleep with no negative thoughts. Then, as already mentioned, Stanley was nice to me today. And I'm glad. Because I certainly don't want him saying bad things about me to his friends.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)