My local Books-A-Million has the largest selection of sale Books on CD that I've ever seen. Realizing how much I was going to be traveling with my job, I bought around 20 audio books a few months ago--fiction, non-fiction, Christian, non-Christian...whatever looked interesting. Ever since I started "reading" (with my ears) on a regular basis, I've tried to read a variety of books so that I'll be aware of the thoughts/ideas of larger society and be able to have intelligent conversations with friends and strangers :-).
As a result of this buying frenzy and desire to have a wide repertoire of book knowledge, I ended up with two books that have deeply challenged my faith. One book was Bart Ehrman's, "God's Problem: The Problem of Suffering," and the other book is Christopher Hitchens' "God Is Not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything." I'm currently listening to the latter...and it's had me off balance for the past couple of weeks. I don't suggest either of these books for the faint of heart, but if you want to know what intelligent, well-spoken, well-studied athiests are saying about God and religion, then give them a try. You can even borrow them from me.
Like I was saying, "God Is Not Great," has thrown me a bit off-balance. Yet, I came to a conclusion on Thursday morning:
We all need something to believe in and chase after. We all need a cause to rally behind and a purpose for which to live our lives. Whether those needs are met through following a religion or through spending a life arguing against religion, they are, and must be, met in some way, with something. And, as ridiculous as Christianity and all over religious systems sound when broken down like they are in this book--and as logical as it seems that it's all just made up to help enforce morality and give us something beyond ourselves to hope for--I choose God. I choose the message of Jesus Christ. I choose the parts of our narrative that demonstrate openness, grace, and love, and I choose to believe that God is a God of time and creation and that belief in God and God's goodness compels me to live a higher call.
For as much as religion has done to damage people, it has also done much to help people and provided a basically good moral foundation that has woven its way through life. Even the firm non-believer has been blessed by love. And if I believe that God IS love, then I must trust that it is precisely because of God that the non-believer has felt that which he/she processes not to believe.
In talking about my capacity to love and keep in touch with people--even those who have hurt me--one of my friends came to the conclusion that I come from a long line of commitment. And then she looked at me and said this--a statement that I will likely never forget--"You would be committed to God even if you weren't sure there was a God." And, well, I think she's right.
I don't understand pain and suffering. I'm not proud of the Crusades and genocide and countless murders and persecution that have been exacted in the name of Christ. I am not proud that so much of Christianity is about what we cannot do rather than what we can; what we should stand against rather than what we should stand for; how we should define ourselves as "other" and "better" rather than as "part of" and equals in God's image; how we are often led to do "good" out of guilt rather than genuine desire to help bring this world to redemption. But I AM proud of following a Christ who showed that each person is a person of dignity and worth and that, through belief in his story, there do not have to be major separations of Greek, Jew, Gentile, male, or female but that we can all live and love and walk this life's journey together.
So while this book has been extremely challenging, and while I'm sure it will continue to be so as I finish hearing what Hitchens has to say, I have a strange peace and certainty this morning that I choose God...
I choose Love.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Monday, October 11, 2010
Let Me Carry The Weight of The World With You
One of my longest standing theological questions is how prayer works. I've read numerous texts on prayer, had countless conversations about prayer, spent many hours in prayer, had quite a few revelations in regard to prayer...and still...my mind always seems to get wrapped up in the same question: how does prayer work?
While I had come to a somewhat steady peace in regard to "how prayer works" in my own personal life--in the relationship that is built between God and me as I spend time talking with and listening to God as the days and times go by--I hadn't come anywhere close to a steady peace in regard to "how prayer works" for other people. When I earnestly pray for something in someone else's life, does it influence what happens in his/her life? Do my prayers change God's mind and influence God's decisions? If so, does the person with the best, most persistent prayers "win"? And what does that mean for God's unchanging, sovereign nature? If not, what's the point of praying for other people and situations beyond my contol? If God already knows what's going to happen and has pre-ordained it to be so, then am I not just a puppet living out God's script? And so my mind confuses me...and yet I still pray...
As I wrote a few weeks ago, one of the things that I know that I did right in my life was to begin counseling in 2007. Through my time with my counselor, I learned the importance of finding my voice--of giving words to my thoughts and feelings and thus allowing someone beyond myself to help carry the grief, hurt, heartache, joy, celebration, and whatever other emotion I felt. Somehow, realizing that there was one person who unconditionally loved me, cared for me, supported me, and cheered for me allowed me to see all of the other people who were and always had been doing the same. It changed my perspective and opened my eyes to begin to see and feel everything good around me--even when life, on the surface, appeared to me the exact same...
Last Tuesday, I began encouraging a friend who has always stuffed things inside to begin letting them out. As she began the process, she commented on how nice it felt. In my mind, I imagined her hidden words/emotions flowing out as light slowly began to flow in...
Last Thursday, after asking our staff for prayer requests, Boss opened our staff meeting with a variation of this prayer (I can't remember her exact words but the idea has been stuck in my mind ever since): Dear God, Thank you for the privilege that we have of coming to you in prayer and for the time that we've had to share our requests and know that in so sharing we are allowing others to help carry our burdens...
So maybe that's it. Maybe that's how intercessory prayer "works." Maybe by praying for one another, we are helping each other carry life's grief, hurt, heartache, joy, and celebration. Maybe we are helping hidden words and emotions flow out so that light can flow in. Maybe we are reminding one another that none of is alone and in so doing changing perspective and opening eyes to begin to see and feel everything good around us--everything that comes from God. Maybe it doesn't change the circumstance but changes us in the circumstance and provides companionship and support for those for whom we are praying until the circumstance that they are in changes for itself.
So how does prayer work? I don't know exactly. And I don't know that I ever will. But I feel like I am one step closer to coming to a steady peace...and I am grateful for the simple prayer that collided with a few other simple truths (maybe prayers in and of themselves?) that pushed me forward in my faith.
While I had come to a somewhat steady peace in regard to "how prayer works" in my own personal life--in the relationship that is built between God and me as I spend time talking with and listening to God as the days and times go by--I hadn't come anywhere close to a steady peace in regard to "how prayer works" for other people. When I earnestly pray for something in someone else's life, does it influence what happens in his/her life? Do my prayers change God's mind and influence God's decisions? If so, does the person with the best, most persistent prayers "win"? And what does that mean for God's unchanging, sovereign nature? If not, what's the point of praying for other people and situations beyond my contol? If God already knows what's going to happen and has pre-ordained it to be so, then am I not just a puppet living out God's script? And so my mind confuses me...and yet I still pray...
As I wrote a few weeks ago, one of the things that I know that I did right in my life was to begin counseling in 2007. Through my time with my counselor, I learned the importance of finding my voice--of giving words to my thoughts and feelings and thus allowing someone beyond myself to help carry the grief, hurt, heartache, joy, celebration, and whatever other emotion I felt. Somehow, realizing that there was one person who unconditionally loved me, cared for me, supported me, and cheered for me allowed me to see all of the other people who were and always had been doing the same. It changed my perspective and opened my eyes to begin to see and feel everything good around me--even when life, on the surface, appeared to me the exact same...
Last Tuesday, I began encouraging a friend who has always stuffed things inside to begin letting them out. As she began the process, she commented on how nice it felt. In my mind, I imagined her hidden words/emotions flowing out as light slowly began to flow in...
Last Thursday, after asking our staff for prayer requests, Boss opened our staff meeting with a variation of this prayer (I can't remember her exact words but the idea has been stuck in my mind ever since): Dear God, Thank you for the privilege that we have of coming to you in prayer and for the time that we've had to share our requests and know that in so sharing we are allowing others to help carry our burdens...
So maybe that's it. Maybe that's how intercessory prayer "works." Maybe by praying for one another, we are helping each other carry life's grief, hurt, heartache, joy, and celebration. Maybe we are helping hidden words and emotions flow out so that light can flow in. Maybe we are reminding one another that none of is alone and in so doing changing perspective and opening eyes to begin to see and feel everything good around us--everything that comes from God. Maybe it doesn't change the circumstance but changes us in the circumstance and provides companionship and support for those for whom we are praying until the circumstance that they are in changes for itself.
So how does prayer work? I don't know exactly. And I don't know that I ever will. But I feel like I am one step closer to coming to a steady peace...and I am grateful for the simple prayer that collided with a few other simple truths (maybe prayers in and of themselves?) that pushed me forward in my faith.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
How Are You Doing?
Seeing as to how this is an actual response to the question "How are you doing?," I must wonder how many other people feel the same way as the girl who wrote this response.
person one: how are you doing?
person two: not too great, but i'm drudging forth.
honestly, sometimes i want to quit
i feel like it's all pointless and i wonder what the heck i'm doing
in my job...my life...and this faith.
today is one of those days.
so...that's how i'm doing.
What about you? Do you ever feel this way...even though you almost always say, "I'm fine"?
person one: how are you doing?
person two: not too great, but i'm drudging forth.
honestly, sometimes i want to quit
i feel like it's all pointless and i wonder what the heck i'm doing
in my job...my life...and this faith.
today is one of those days.
so...that's how i'm doing.
What about you? Do you ever feel this way...even though you almost always say, "I'm fine"?
Friday, October 1, 2010
The Importance of a Name
Many of you know that I bowl in a league on Thursday nights--that I joined the league the very first Thursday night I was in Columbia and have been an active part of it ever since. Over the course of a year--yes, I've been here for one year next week--I've met some neat people--people very different than those who live in the mostly Caucasian, Christian circles in which I work. Three of those people are on one team, and their names are Tony, Pat, and Sam.
Tony and Pat are married. They drive almost an hour each week to bowl. Tony only has use of one arm, yet he is very good and very happy and very encouraging. Pat almost always has her blue-tooth in her ear, wears many different hair styles, and simply saunters up to the lane to release the ball. Sam is a short, chubby, bald guy with a lovely smile, sweet spirit, funny little strike dance, and strong smell of yummy cologne!
We bowled Tony, Pat, and Sam's team last week. [Their fourth person this year is Lizzy, but I'm still getting to know her. Last year their fourth person was Joe the super serious, stylin' bowler who owned over 30 bowling balls.] I've spoken with Tony and Sam on many occasions because they are both very outgoing and jovial. I've spoken with Pat, too, but she is quieter and harder to get to know. So it really surprised me last week when Pat was the one who came to my name's rescue.
Every time Sam addressed me last week--to say good job or almost or you'll get it next name--he called me Dana or Dina or Dena--names close to mine but not exactly my name. And every time he did it, Pat popped up and emphatically declared, "It's DeANNA, Sam. DeANNA." I bet this happened at least 5 times.
I had no idea that Pat knew my name, much less that she felt so strongly that Sam get it right! But she did!
So when I saw Sam last night, I said, "Hey Sam!" He looked at me, grinned, and said, "Hey DeANNA!" I grinned back.
Names are important, I suppose. They identify us and become representative of who we are. I don't know the exact meaning of my name; I'm sure I could look it up. But I know that I like my name and that I am Deanna (Dee for short) and that I can't imagine being anyone else. I suppose, again, that I would change my name if God so directed--like Abram/Abraham and Sarai/Sarah and Jacob/Israel and Saul/Paul--but for now I'm content with being DeANNA and with Pat being the cheerleader and defender of my name.
May Deanna be known for love, grace, openness, and joyful peace...
Amen.
Tony and Pat are married. They drive almost an hour each week to bowl. Tony only has use of one arm, yet he is very good and very happy and very encouraging. Pat almost always has her blue-tooth in her ear, wears many different hair styles, and simply saunters up to the lane to release the ball. Sam is a short, chubby, bald guy with a lovely smile, sweet spirit, funny little strike dance, and strong smell of yummy cologne!
We bowled Tony, Pat, and Sam's team last week. [Their fourth person this year is Lizzy, but I'm still getting to know her. Last year their fourth person was Joe the super serious, stylin' bowler who owned over 30 bowling balls.] I've spoken with Tony and Sam on many occasions because they are both very outgoing and jovial. I've spoken with Pat, too, but she is quieter and harder to get to know. So it really surprised me last week when Pat was the one who came to my name's rescue.
Every time Sam addressed me last week--to say good job or almost or you'll get it next name--he called me Dana or Dina or Dena--names close to mine but not exactly my name. And every time he did it, Pat popped up and emphatically declared, "It's DeANNA, Sam. DeANNA." I bet this happened at least 5 times.
I had no idea that Pat knew my name, much less that she felt so strongly that Sam get it right! But she did!
So when I saw Sam last night, I said, "Hey Sam!" He looked at me, grinned, and said, "Hey DeANNA!" I grinned back.
Names are important, I suppose. They identify us and become representative of who we are. I don't know the exact meaning of my name; I'm sure I could look it up. But I know that I like my name and that I am Deanna (Dee for short) and that I can't imagine being anyone else. I suppose, again, that I would change my name if God so directed--like Abram/Abraham and Sarai/Sarah and Jacob/Israel and Saul/Paul--but for now I'm content with being DeANNA and with Pat being the cheerleader and defender of my name.
May Deanna be known for love, grace, openness, and joyful peace...
Amen.
This Moved Me
(written on Monday, September 27, 2010)
I'm sitting outside on the porch, overlooking the inlet, listening to the crickets chirp, feeling a cool breeze blow through the screen.
I'm away from the office this week for our annual WMU Field Staff planning retreat. This first day was filled with meetings. The next days will be the same. Hopefully the nights will be filled with rest. Because I am tired.
As I sat down to write this note tonight, I thought I knew what I was going to post. But in looking up information for the Acteens page, I stumbled upon a writing that moved me to tears.
I must admit that sometimes I get discouraged in my work--sometimes I feel overwhelmed. Yet tonight I found these words from Fannie Exile Heck that I believe will help me continue to charter the course. Maybe they will do the same for you:
Changes will come;
new faces take the place of old;
new and broader plans succeed those of today;
but our beloved Union is safe in our Master’s care.
See to it, only, that you listen to His voice and follow where Christ leads.
Be gentle in your personal lives, faithful and shining.
Be joyful, knowing His purposes are good, not evil, to His Children.
Be prayerful in your planning.
Be patient and persistent in your fulfillment.
Endeavor to see the needs of the world from God’s standpoint.
Plan not for the year, but for the years.
Think long thoughts.
Strive for the conversion of those around you as faithfully as for the heathen.
Train the children for world-wide service.
Lead the young women gently into places of joyous responsibility.
Bring all your powers into the best service of the best King.
Thus shall your work abide and be abundantly blessed of God to your own joy and the joy of the world.
In the belief that you will continue to adorn the doctrine of service, I bid you, dear friends, Farewell.
Fannie E. S. Heck, 1915
I'm sitting outside on the porch, overlooking the inlet, listening to the crickets chirp, feeling a cool breeze blow through the screen.
I'm away from the office this week for our annual WMU Field Staff planning retreat. This first day was filled with meetings. The next days will be the same. Hopefully the nights will be filled with rest. Because I am tired.
As I sat down to write this note tonight, I thought I knew what I was going to post. But in looking up information for the Acteens page, I stumbled upon a writing that moved me to tears.
I must admit that sometimes I get discouraged in my work--sometimes I feel overwhelmed. Yet tonight I found these words from Fannie Exile Heck that I believe will help me continue to charter the course. Maybe they will do the same for you:
Changes will come;
new faces take the place of old;
new and broader plans succeed those of today;
but our beloved Union is safe in our Master’s care.
See to it, only, that you listen to His voice and follow where Christ leads.
Be gentle in your personal lives, faithful and shining.
Be joyful, knowing His purposes are good, not evil, to His Children.
Be prayerful in your planning.
Be patient and persistent in your fulfillment.
Endeavor to see the needs of the world from God’s standpoint.
Plan not for the year, but for the years.
Think long thoughts.
Strive for the conversion of those around you as faithfully as for the heathen.
Train the children for world-wide service.
Lead the young women gently into places of joyous responsibility.
Bring all your powers into the best service of the best King.
Thus shall your work abide and be abundantly blessed of God to your own joy and the joy of the world.
In the belief that you will continue to adorn the doctrine of service, I bid you, dear friends, Farewell.
Fannie E. S. Heck, 1915
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