A Snippet of My Journey Through the One Week Ultra (Food) Detox

(picking up from an earlier text conversation where a friend asked, "What are you detoxing from?"

ME:
hey, friend
i am detoxing from the toxins found in today's american diet :-)
caffeine, sugar, high fructose corn syrup, anything processed, and all foods that most people have food allergies to...
the idea is to get your system regulated and then slowly add things back in--but not the bad for you stuff--to see how if affects your body.

FRIEND:
what in world are you eating in meantime?? carrots? ;)

ME:
the friend i'm doing this with evidently thinks she is very toxic
she found this book and wanted to do it so i told her i'd walk alongside and support her so she could go through a major food detox.
well...i'll tell you my food intake this week :-)_
breakfast: lemon water, hot green tea, a smoothie with soy milk, tofu, fruit, flax seeds, flax seed oil, and almond butter
today i DID add carrots and it's the best one i've made! :-)
lunch: chicken/fish, brown rice, vegetables
supper: brown rice, vegetables
snack: vegetable broth that we made from lots of vegetables from lots of different vegetable families
also snack: shake if needed

FRIEND:
wow
i'm assuming no salt or anything on the cooked stuff?

ME: i've been eating at her house for lunch and supper and we've been getting into the sauna each night.
cook with olive oil and sea salt and any spices we want
just not sugar
i think maybe the shake is getting better because i'm getting used to not having the sugar

FRIEND:
what about honey? or agave syrup or something like that?

ME:
we've pretty much stuck to sea salt and pepper
no honey
or syrup
the one week thing--which we're doing now--is to get our taste buds used to NOT having sweet stuff
because we're addicted to it in america
eventually, that stuff can be added back...but not refined white sugar (i think)

FRIEND:
wow
i'm really impressed

ME:
it will be really hard to do this all the time...with the job and traveling and eating out and such.

FRIEND:
i think my brother and sister-in-law did something like this awhile ago
that's what they discovered

ME:
but...i think it's helping us realize we can survive without all of the junk and get us into the kitchen a bit

FRIEND:
that's been something my husband & i are re-learning
of course, we're not eating like y'all but we're cooking and packing lunches a lot more

ME:
it's so intentional...like...on sunday night...we spent from 7:30 until 1am doing the prep work...shopping and such
i'd wanted to cook more anyway--for money's sake if nothing else!
but...i'll look forward to being to get a coffee (or green tea, i suppose) with my friends when this is over!
and being able to eat out. we CAN eat out. it's just better not to during this week of detox :-)

FRIEND:
sure
makes sense

ME:
that's why i've been all quiet and not asked you to lunch this week:-)
another thing is that buying the stuff is expensive!
i spent almost 150 getting ready for this week...
then again, i had to buy a blender
:-)

FRIEND:
it's probably cheaper in the long run (would be my guess)
cheaper than eating out anyway
my husband & i have realized that with just eating in more

ME:
yeh.
and i'll have food to last beyond the week
i'm mostly doing this for my friend but it's taught me some stuff, too...as you can tell :-)

FRIEND:
i'm glad!

(a few minutes later)

ME:
secret sis just gave me candy bars :-)

FRIEND:
oh no!

ME:
i promptly put them away

A Follower's Prayer

Is there a place in this world where you feel God's presence in a very real way? Where as soon as you enter into the space, you can feel that it is sacred and know that you are part of something bigger?

For me, that place is Camp Mundo Vista in Sophia, NC...more specifically the Centennial Building where I encounter God in ways that I cannot describe.

I spent the weekend at Mundo Vista on a personal retreat of sorts. My main goal was to practice music for NC WMU's annual meeting, Missions Extravaganza, but my secondary goal was just to "be."

I met my friend Allison in Asheboro, NC, had dinner with her and her awesome husband, Seth, and then went to camp on Friday night. On Saturday, as Allison and I began practicing for ME (in the Centennial Building), a beautiful thing happened: a song emerged (for the first time in a really long time) that, I hope, captures both the joy and fear of following God's call--both as an individual (for me, an individual called away from home to serve with SC-WMU, and for Allison, an individual called into the public schools of NC) and as the wonderful organization that is WMU-NC.

This song speaks my heart this morning. What about you?

-----

A Follower’s Prayer
D. Deaton and A. Markwood, 3/27/10

Lord, I smile at the thought of your calling
But then where you lead me is never where I expect it to be
What you ask overwhelms me and I’m paralyzed by fear
I don’t have the skill or knowledge to accomplish your will
But I will

Be my light, be my guide
Help me see in this world
Where I can be the hands and feet
Of your love
Help me be, help me do
Help me live in you, Lord
In everything, shine through me
As I follow you

Lord, you never said that the road would be easy
The mockers and scoffers and critics and skeptics will stand up to taunt me
Only a fool would choose to walk into uncertainties
I guess I’m a fool ‘cause I choose you though a struggle it may be
So let it be
Repeat Chorus

Lord we know that you have called us
Lord we know that’s why we’re here
Search our hearts and mold our intentions
Your Kingdom come, your will be done

Be our light, be our guide
Help us see in this world
Where we can be the hands and feet
Of your love
Help us be, help us do
Help us live in you, Lord
In everything shine through us
As we journey on

-------

*ROUGH recording (made in the Centennial Building at Mundo) posted at http://www.reverbnation.com/deannadeaton*

Average

I bowled average last night...not way above or below my norm, but right on.

I should be encouraged by this fact--by the knowledge that I bowled consistently--and consistency is good in bowling.

Yet I am discouraged by my performance...

After last week's miracle bowl--marking in every frame but one--I seem to have become greedy--wanting that mark--hungering for that sense of accomplishment and reward--needing to strike or spare so that I can feel worthy of my place on the team.

With a low average, though, that only includes a mark in two or three frames, however consistent it is, I feel like I bring my team down...and that is not a good feeling...in fact, it taps into all of my deepest insecurities.

*I shake my head and sigh.*

I suppose that bowling shouldn't be a pyschological event, yet I have somehow made it so.

*I smile a small smile.*

Sometimes I make myself tired just by existing :-).

Love's Peace

Last night, a good friend shared with me that God had been teaching her a lot lately. As I stopped to consider what God had been teaching me, I was immediately struck by numerous positive words that seem to affirm both the work that I'm doing and the family member and friend that I'm being.

I won't lie and say that my transition to SC has been easy. There have been many, many days that I've wondered what I've gotten myself into and been so homesick that it's literally painful. I've been on a sharp learning curve that has, at times, been overwhelming and confusing, and I've wondered what I can bring to my job that is good and needed and life-giving. I've doubted my decision to leave the church and work for a denominational-like entity, and I've pondered why God led me to SC WMU.

While my questions still lurk in the background (there are always questions lurking in the background of my mind!), this week--the first week of Spring--has been full of moments of grace when I've realized that I'm exactly where I need to be, doing exactly what I need to do, even when it's hard and I miss home. My mom has told me that I'm a good daughter. My boss has relayed positive reports of my work at spring meetings. My friends from home have written to say they miss me. My friends here have spoken their gratefulness for my presence in their lives. My Stanley has taken on a life of his own. And our Facebook presence has greatly expanded over the last two weeks.

So as I sit in the office today, trying to remain focused and accomplish the numerous tasks on my to-do list, I am confident in the fact that God is teaching me about God's peace that passes all understanding--that comes when we need it the most--and I am struck by the beauty that IS God in this season of new life and hope.

What about you? What is God teaching you? And in what ways is God reminding you of God's peace and faithfulness...even when you don't fully understand the circumstances and/or mission field on which you find your life?

I close with a poem, "Love's Peace":

Brown transitions to pink and green
A gentle breeze caressing skin
As eyes close to rest in the moment.

It’s unspoken understanding that transcends the what’s,
What’s filling the silence only as nervous energy drawn by
Connection too deep for words.
Beauty lives where senses are heightened and
Awareness of creation is so real that it dances a waltz for the very first time.
What’s fade into the background as
Sweet fragrance takes center stage and
Presence becomes undeniable.

Capture the moment in picture—
Oils or pastels or watercolors feverishly transforming canvas
From barren white to radiant color.
Capture the moment in song—
Harps or keys or drums bursting forth from soft rustle
Creating vibrations so simple and powerful that they invoke passionate tears.

Brown transitions to pink and green
A gentle breeze caressing skin
As eyes close to rest in the moment.

Humility envelopes any thought of pride:
There is Love much bigger than life and
Love’s Peace decorates the world today.

--dd, 3/25/10

Bowling--Part Three--The High Score!

I bowl on Thursday nights, but every once in awhile I have to work on Thursday nights. When that's the case, I have to pre-bowl so that I can still log a score. Pre-bowling day this week was Tuesday--which is when I began this bowling chronicle. Tonight I am in Charleston for the SC WMU annual meeting in Charleston. I'm working.

When I began bowling in October, my average was in the high 90s. It is currently 112. The good thing about my average being 112 is that it shows improvement. The bad thing about my average being 112 is that it's harder to consistently bowl my average--especially when I'm having a bad game.

On Tuesday, I started with a bad game. I didn't even break 100. Despite my best efforts, I couldn't find the pocket (that spot just to the side of the head pin where, if the ball hits it knocks down all the pins) or get either Bourbon or Fish Ball to pick up the spare. My second game was better--slightly above average--but I wasn't happy with Fish Ball's performance. After Bourbon landed in the pocket a couple of times when trying to pick up the spare, I said, "If only Bourbon could do that on the first roll." And so I tried it...

And...faithful readers...it worked! Bourbon Deaton helped me bowl my way to the highest score of my 32 year existence: 188!

Don't worry. I'm not going to permanently relegate Fish Ball to second string because of his poor performance on Tuesday. He will still be my first string ball...unless lane conditions are better for Bourbon. You see. Bowling is actually a tricky sport. It's not JUST dependent on how you throw the ball but also on lane conditions--how how new the oil is, how the oil is distributed, what lines have formed on the lane, etc. For some reason, Tuesday's conditions were perfect for my Bourbon to shine. And I was very proud of him...and I even told him so!

The end.

Bowling--Part Two--Bourbon and Fish Ball

After renting shoes for just one week, I realized that renting shoes every week was not a lucritive financial decision. So I bought my own. Then, on a whim on a night when I arrived at the bowling alley early, I bought my own ball. I let Mr. Arrogant Bowling Ball Man convince me to buy a 10 pound ball instead of an 8 pound ball (even though for my stature I should be rolling a 12 pound ball) and then I watched as he quickly drilled the holes.

What was supposed to help me bowl better because it was fit to my hand actually caused me to bowl much worse than I'd ever bowled in my life! I had to completely change my approach--to the point that I no longer tried to hit the pins from the right but from the left (which is backwards for a right handed bowler)--and I had to grant myself a lot of patience and grace because I was really horrible with Bourbon--that's what I named him because that's the name that popped into my head on that first night--and because he drove me crazy.

I thought that Bourbon was drilled incorrectly but Mr. Bowling Ball Man said that it was fine. So I kept playing with him and practicing with him, trying not to get too aggravated. The final straw came over Christmas vacation, though, when I went bowling with my entire family and my 7 year old nephew almost beat me--naturally--with no bumpers.

I got a new ball shortly after that humiliation. It's awesome! His name is Fish Ball because he has an acquarium scene on him--complete with ORANGE FISH! Even though he is a 12 pound ball, I had to have him because he was perfect for me...and I'm glad I got him...because I've been bowling MUCH better since he rolled into my life. He is drilled differently than Bourbon and his driller confirmed that Bourbon was not aptly fit for my hand.

With Fish Ball, I've been able to go back to my college bowling class bowling approach and my average has slowly increased. Because I felt bad for him, though, I decided to use Bourbon as my clean-up ball, and I think he realized the error of his ways because he's been doing very well as my second string guy...

Until yesterday...

Bowling--Part One--Introduction

I joined a bowling league my first week in Columbia. As is the case with many things in my life, I quickly became hyper-focused on the sport and dove in head first. I wish that I could boast about how good I am, but I can't...because I'm not good at all! In fact, I'm the fourth worst bowler in the league! Yet I'm slowly getting better...and I'm having a lot of fun in the process...and I think that's what it's all about.

Why Jesus?

God cares about the hungry,
God cares about the poor,
God is concerned with the problems of this world.

Yet instead of sending food
And instead of sending clothing
And instead of fixing all that was wrong
God sent his son, Jesus, to make right our
Relationship with our Creator.

God was more concerned about the problem of sin separating humanity from
the true love, nature, and character of God
Than God was about a quick fix to the wrongs, injustices, and inadequacies of this world.

(because)

A right relationship with God
(forgiveness of sins that allows us to get a glimpse of God's infinite
goodness, mercy, and grace)
will compel God's children to

Feed the hungry (and)
Clothe the poor (and)
Work together
(as God's hands and feet on earth)
to alleviate the wrongs, injustices, and inadequacies of this world.

Where You've Shown God's Love and Compassion

"Tell me about one situation where you have shown a person God's love and compassion."

Upon pondering my response to this prompt, I found myself stumped. After thinking for awhile, my mind blank, I did what I'm good at doing: I deferred the question to a friend.

With the wisdom that is typical of this friend, she simply said, "I would speak to a time when I showed God's love and compassion to myself."

"That's a good idea," I said, "I hadn't thought about that. And I can do that. But I'd still like to think of a time when I showed God's love and compassion to someone else."

Her response, written so quickly and easily, blessed me tremendously: "You could write about me then :). Because you do that quite frequently for me.

Somehow, the fact that I've shown God's love and compassion without intentionally trying to do so is a beautiful and humbling thing to me. It's what I desire to do more than anything, yes, but I didn't know I was actually doing it! Her words encourage me to keep being me and challenge me to remember that my life is impacting others' lives--whether the impact is good or bad. Thankfully, in this friend's case, the impact has been good. Unfortunately, in other cases, the impact has not...

Which is when I've learned to show myself God's love and compassion. I won't go into all of the details of the past few years of my life, but I will say this: Before I began seeing my counselor, I showed myself very little love or compassion and held myself to such a high standard of skewed perfection that it was virtually impossible for me to be content OR to be content with others. I was good at pretending to be a lot of things that I was not, and loving and compassionate toward myself was one of those things.

As such, I believe that the single most loving and compassionate act that I ever did for myself (and everyone I have ever loved or will love) was asking for help--admitting that I couldn't keep pretending to have everything together when really I did not--realizing that I was not alone--embracing the fact that we're all part of a common humanity that is in this life together--and allowing God to help transform me into the woman that I was created to be.

What about you?

What is a situation where you have shown a person God's love and compassion?

Or, quite selfishly, what is a situation where I have shown YOU the same?

After The Letting Go

I've had the privilege of knowing a lot of people over the course of my 32 years. As such, I've had experienced the reality of letting go of a lot of people as well.

Sometimes letting go is natural. Sometimes it's forced. Sometimes letting go seems right. Sometimes it seems so wrong.

While I've come to accept the fact that life, love, and relationships change over the course of time and while I've made it my intention to focus on and remain present in the moment, I still sometimes struggle with what's been lost.

Last night, for no apparent reason, was a night of struggle, yet in the midst of my tears, a melody and lyrics floated into my mind:

I'll think of you every day
And as I do, I'll fall down on my knees and pray
We're growing
I've known that in this life
God would bring me to a place
Where I'd have to lag behind and let you run your own race
But now the time is here and it's hard than it seemed
Letting go's not easy, though I have to set you free
'Cause we're growing

I wish I understood the power of prayer. I wish I could grasp what it does, how it works, and in what way my prayers make a difference in the lives for whom I pray. But I don't.

And yet...

I don't know what else to do BUT pray for all those who have come into my life, walked beside me for such a time as this, and then said good-bye to go a separate way.

Guide them, bless them, keep them safe, God.
Use them, protect them, give them strength, oh Father.
Amen.

My Love Language

Some of you may know that I'm a Myers Briggs girl. I'm also a Bowen Family Systems girl--which is sort of a contradiction. And I'm a Five Love Languages girl--which may be an even bigger contradiction. What may seem the biggest contradiction is that I'm not a fan of categorizing and labeling people in today's polarized society. "Why do you like the Myers Briggs and the Five Love Languages, then," some of you may ask. "Don't they just categorize and label people?" Well, yes, they do. But more importantly than the category and/or label, which I don't believe should ever, in any way, be used as a derogatory way of identifying someone OR as a way of creating a line of division that cannot be moved, expanded, or crossed, these tools help people understand who they are, how they act, what they can expect of themselves in normal, every day situations and in situations of extreme stress, and what they need in order to function as happy, healthy, and whole individuals--the individuals that God created them to be.

Today, I won't attempt to explain how understanding my personality type has influenced me, rather I will speak to my love language, which is WORDS OF AFFIRMATION. Of the five love languages, identified by Winston Salem, NC, pastor Gary Chapman, Words of Affirmation are what I most need to survive. The other love languages are Quality Time, Physical Touch, Acts of Service, and Gifts. While the other four love languages are important to me (and needed) and while I naturally tend to express my love through gifts, I pretty much shut down after long periods of NOT receiving positive words--words about who I am, the work I do, my place in this world, my place in people's lives, etc. What's worse, because words are so powerful to me, negative words become amplified in my mind and tend to repeat themselves over and over and over again until positive words wander in to replace them. I think this is why I keep all of the nice notes, letters, and e-mails that people give me--in case I go through a positive word drought and have to resort to the reserves!

Gary Chapman explains that when we have received enough love by way of our primary love language, then our "love tank" will become full.

Well, after leading a weekend women's retreat, I'm proud to report that my love tank is now full to overflowing!

I'm so glad.

The Joy of The Lord?

I'm thinking that
if we don't
act like we
have any joy
in our lives,
then maybe the
world won't want
to be part
of these lives
who follow Christ.

Silence

I used to hate it. I'd cringe at the very thought of it and do everything I could to avoid it. But then camp happened and I decided that being away from the girls' giggles and chattering and squealing was a good thing. And then teaching happened and I decided that being away from my students' singing and clanging of instruments and tattling was a really good thing. And then emotional chaos happened and I decided that entering into it was the only thing that could bring peace...


And so tonight I sit in silence. And I've learned to love it. Because I know that in the silence, there is God. And I know that just as sleep is needed for the body's healing, so is silence needed for the soul's.

Last night, I brought home a lot of work to do. My plan was to cook supper, shower, do my work, and go to bed. Instead, I had pizza with a friend's family, went shopping for some kitchen stuff, came home and waved at the lake--which, to me, is the beauty of God--walked upstairs and entered into a completely silent apartment--the heat, refrigerator, fan, and drip of the shower all quiet at the same time--at which point I stopped and took it in. After a few moments, I showered and got ready for bed and then crawled into bed, pillows surrounding me, imagining that I was crawling into the arms of God. I was asleep within ten minutes.

I'd like to say that I woke up feeling dramatically different this morning than I do on other mornings, but I cannot say that, nor was I expecting to as I lay in the silence last night. All I know is that in an overstimulated world where there is constant noise and distraction, silence is a much needed break where God creeps in and does an invisible work that can't be explained but that is so real that it is life-transforming.

Maybe one of the biggest things that we can offer this world is the opportunity to leave behind the noise of life and enter into a holy silence that nurtures the soul.

When I got home from work tonight, I waved at the lake--which, to me, is the beauty of God--walked upstairs and entered into a completely silent apartment, and stopped to take it in. I will go to bed soon, surrounded by pillows, imagining that I am crawling into the arms of God...

Prayer for Today

Lord, with your love and grace,
help me be less and less absorbed with myself,
and more and more full of the desire
to lay down my life and follow you.
Amen.

A Challenge to Love

We are born selfish creatures crying out for someone to take care of our needs. The process of growing in this life seems to be learning how to become less selfish, less self-absorbed. On our good days we can do that, by loving, giving and caring for others before thinking of ourselves. But on our bad days, we look at others and grumble about the unfairness: “Why is it always ME who has to do the giving? Why don't people have to care about ME first? Am I always the one who has to apologize first? Ask about the other’s day first? When is it MY turn to be taken care of?”

We are called to love the way we are loved by Jesus – without figuring out what we will get out of a relationship. “Love one another as I have loved you.” As I have loved you. In the same way Jesus loves us – without limits. And so we love our co-coworker or partner who is crabby and barking. Instead of snapping a response we ask ourselves, “What do they need right now?” It’s not about giving up my dignity or rolling over to a bully. It’s about loving someone who might not be very loveable in that moment.

We can choose to wallow in our own self-pity and self-absorption, but it is in that moment that we are being called more deeply into Jesus’ love. We must die to our own needs and our own longing in order to find a new life in Jesus. In a profound way, we are being called to a simple, complex task: to care about others as we care for, yet in front of, ourselves. What kind of people would we be if we got everything we wanted? If we never had to move outside of our own needs and desires? Jesus asks us: What good is it for us to get everything we wanted, if in the process we lose our very selves?

--Adapted from Looking at Marriage During Lent (http://onlineministries.creighton.edu/CollaborativeMinistry/Lent/marriage-lent.html)

A Prayer...

Christ to enfold me, Christ to surround me,
Christ in my speaking, Christ in my thinking,
Christ in my sleeping, Christ in my waking,
Christ in my watching, Christ in my hoping,
Christ in my life, Christ on my lips,
Christ in my soul, Christ in my heart,
Christ in my sufficing, Christ in my slumber,
Christ in my ever-living soul,
Christ in mine eternity.
Amen.

--adapted from Carmina Gaedelica...located in the Celtic Daily Prayer book, pg. 364.

Mercy

This is the text that I read this morning as part of my lenten devotional: (http://onlineministries.creighton.edu/CollaborativeMinistry/Lent/2nd-week.html#mon)

Jesus said to his disciples:
“Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.
“Stop judging and you will not be judged.
Stop condemning and you will not be condemned.
Forgive and you will be forgiven.
Give and gifts will be given to you;
a good measure, packed together, shaken down, and overflowing,
will be poured into your lap.
For the measure with which you measure
will in return be measured out to you.”
Luke 6:36-38

This is the Word of God that I heard, spoken by the Spirit of God, as part of my lenten devotional:

Jesus said to his disciples:
“Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.
“Stop judging [yourself so harshly] and you will not [live under the burden of] the judged.
Stop condemning [yourself] and you will not be condemned [by God].
Forgive [yourself] and you will [live as the] forgiven.
Give [lovingkindness to yourself] and gifts [of peace] will be given to you;
a good measure, packed together, shaken down, and overflowing,
will be poured into your lap.
For the measure with which you measure [yourself]
will in return be measured out to you.”
Luke 6:36-38

This reading may sound self-centered. It is. But not in a selfish way, rather in a self-caring way. A good friend of mine recently asked, "Why can I love everyone else but not love myself?" I responded by saying, "Because you were taught to love everyone else above yourself."

This morning, I heard God's Word guiding me not ONLY to be merciful to those around me but ALSO to be merciful to myself--not ONLY to stop judging and condemning others but ALSO to stop judging and condemning myself--not ONLY to forgive others but ALSO to forgive myself. For if I live with a spirit of harsh judgment and condemnation toward myself and if I cannot forgive myself for the wrongs of each day, then how can I properly forgive others and look upon them with a spirit of affirmation and grace? Should I condone poor behavior within myself and live with a sense of apathy toward living a Godly and righteous life? No. But should I hold myself to such a high standard that I cannot find the humility to show myself grace? No. I am human. I am part of this creation that God loves and wants to redeem...and I deserve God's mercy just as much as the neighbor to whom I am to show it.

I think the best way to reach the world with the gospel of Christ is to live it out in our own lives. What about you? What did the text say to you today?

"Lord,
your commandment of love is so simple
and so challenging.
Help me to let go of my pride,
to be humble in my penance.
I want only to live the way you ask me to love,
to love the way you ask me to live.
I ask this through your son, Jesus,
who stands at my side
today and always.
Amen."