Friday, July 30, 2010

Confession: ENFJ

My name is Deanna.

I am an ENFJ.

Extraverted.
Intuitive.
Feeling.
Judging.

There are a lot of good things about my ENFJ-ness, just as there a lot of good things about any personality type. But there are also some weakenesses associated with it, too.

According to one of my favorite type books, Looking at Type and Spirituality, these are my common stumbling blocks:

--Becoming too emotionally involved in the success or failure of the spiritual endeavors I lead.

--Not having adequate patience.

--Assuming my way may be the most noble or altruistic.

--Talking the weight of the world on my shoulders.

My trap? Avoiding any expressions of negative feelings out of fear of disharmony.

On days when I'm stressed, my stumbling blocks and trap work together to create a not-so-fun day for me. On weeks when I'm stressed, the long string of not-so-fun days exhaust me and leave an ache in the pit of my stomach for fear of making decisions that are bad or wrong or that might hurt someone else.

That's where I am at this very moment...feeling beat up, trapped, and stressed, with an ache in my belly...all because of decisions that affect others, though part of my job they be.

But do not fret dear friends and mother!

My book suggests ways you can help!

--Encourage me to consider msyelf and my own needs and wants and to take care of myself.

--Gently confront me, especially when I insist on everyone getting along, with the truth that even the best of relationships can grow as a result of conflict.

--Give me permission and help me develop imaginative and creative ways for people's spiritual growth and development.

--Provide a personal and caring environment. When there is heavy judgment, criticism, or a sense of being devalued, I accomplish less.

Or...as boss did today, send me words of encouragement and affirm the fact that I'm trying:

"Tell the F in you that you are doing great!"

My name is Deanna.

I am an ENFJ.

Extraverted.
Intuitive.
Feeling.
Judging.

Monday, July 26, 2010

God Is Bigger Than America

The thought has been brewing in my mind for the past couple of weeks and it was solidified today during chapel: God is bigger than America.

Not only that, but the power and message of Christ is bigger than anything we can comprehend.

Recently, I’ve realized just how limited is my scope of the gospel and just how narrow my understanding of the ways in which the Spirit works and reveals the love of God. I understand my culture and context, and I do everything I can to be the face of God’s love where I am…but where I am, in America—in southern America at that—is so small in relation to the world in which we live. All of my thoughts, strategies, and passions are filtered through the lens of Smalltown, consumer based, living in abundance, I want it now, white, privileged, USA.

I understood contextualized theology in divinity school. I got it. But now, I get it in a different way. And I can’t help but marvel at just how big God is.

Today’s speaker chapel was a minister from India. Long story short, his parents were ex-communicated from their Hindu village for becoming believers of the Shepherd Jesus. The white missionary who spoke of the white God of Jesus wasn’t welcome by the village leader, the minister’s grandfather, because he felt that his people didn’t need an outsider God added to their list of already numerous gods. The parents left and raised their son through hardships. Thirteen years later, just before he died, the grandfather called his family back and said, “Now I see that your God is the one true God. After all these years, when you should have died, you are still alive and you still profess faith in Jesus. Your Jesus is the God in whom I want to believe. All of my other gods are not real. Do you think your Jesus could ever forgive me?”

In writing this, I realize that this story may not sound profound. But somehow, for me, today, it speaks to something that has been stirring in me for awhile. I don’t know how to explain it. And I admit that this note is doing a poor job. But God is bigger than America. And the power and message of Christ are bigger than anything I can comprehend. And that’s the best I can do to share my thoughts and work through my struggles today...

Thursday, July 22, 2010

A Birthday Reflection

One Christmas, my mom locked herself into her room for about three days. My brother, sister, and I had no idea what she was preparing, but we knew it must be something super special because it top secret.

When we opened our gifts that year, we each had a book entited: See How ____________(insert name) Has Grown. The books had pictures of us, in order, from every birthday and Christmas morning.

Flipping through the books, it was neat to see how we had grown. I couldn't help but chuckle at the clothes that I once wore, the hair that I once sported, that glasses that once covered my face, and the year that I switched from a birthday cake to a birthday cookie.

Today, as I think about my book and kick myself for the fact that I've gotten behind on its update, I realize, like I realized the day that I received it, just what a special treasure it is. Not only is it a reflection of the progression my life, but it is also a reflection of the fact that I am loved and cherished by a family who has been together and made memories--in some way--for birthdays and major holidays for our whole lives.

I suppose that birthdays are especially good times to reflect on how fortunate we are to have the people in our lives that we do. Then I again, I suppose it would be a good spiritual practice to do this every day, to thank God for allowing us to love and be loved, and to ask God to expand our hearts and circle of friends so that we can love and be loved by even more people!

Today, in honor of my birthday, tell someone you love that you love him/her and be thankful for the people who have been with you as you've grown--even when they get on your nerves :-)! Then after you've done that, say a special prayer that God will help you see the people around you who may need a friend.

Also, think about doing what my mom did--taking and compiling pictures of yourself on the same occassion from each year of your life so that you can see how you've grown. You'll probably cringe at some of the pictures, but, hey, it's okay. Bad hair, glasses, make up, acne, clothes, etc. are just part of life :-).

My Birthday Prayer


Dear God (You ARE dear to me and you ARE God):

I love you.

Thank you for loving me (and I DO believe that you love me)
And for creating me in your image and giving me the capacity to live and love in community (as you ARE love and community).

Thank you for the people in my life who love me (as I have seen today, there are many)
For the people in my life whom I deeply love (past and present, there are many)
And for the people I have yet to meet or may never meet who will profoundly influence my life (no doubt, there are many).

As I continue to live and find purpose in life (even as I question it)
And as I continue to live into the fullness of who you created and called me to be (just as you did, Jesus),
I pray that you will help me bring others into your presence each day (the presence of love)
And that you will help me (in whatever way you provide help)
Hear those who speak (really hear, not just listen)
Cherish and support those around me (celebrate them for who they are and encourage them in the things that they do)
And serve with a spirit of humility that honors the dignity and worth of every form of life (just as I believe that you desire it).

Help me to love so deeply and fully that every breath I breathe gives
You (Creator of Love and Life; Redeemer and Prince of Peace; Sustainer and God With Us)
Joy and satisfaction in your creation (after all, you looked and said it was good) and
Others the pleasure of experiencing unconditional love (and it really is a humbling, unbelievable pleasure).

I love you…

I love you…

I love you.

And I thank you for loving me and giving me life over thirty-three years ago today.

Amen.

Monday, July 19, 2010

Gorilla

I went to the zoo with my niece and nephew today. We got to see a lot of neat animals, and I even got to see two things for the very first time: the koala bears awake and the grizzly bears swimming!

As is typical with brothers and sisters, my niece and nephew had a few points of disagreement during the day--the biggest of which was over the stroller. My niece did NOT like that my nephew wanted to ride in HER stroller :-).

My niece also didn't like when my nephew got too close to the gorilla. Both of the gorillas were hanging out in the shade by the observation window--one of them sprawled out with his arm on to top of his eyes--the other sitting up with his back against the window.

As my nephew was trying to measure how tall the gorilla was in comparison to him, my niece started screaming. "No G, no! No!!!!!"

I thought she was upset because he got the best window spot. Their mom figured out that she was upset because she thought the gorilla was going to get her brother. In her 2 1/2 year old mind, the separation glass was not enough to keep him safe.

My niece screamed until G walked to where she was standing and she knew he was safe. As soon as he stood beside her, she was okay.

When you see a friend or family member "in danger" do you "scream" until they reach "safety?"

We cannot control other people's choices, but we can passionately communicate when we sense that something is wrong.

Can you think of a time when you've voiced your concern for someone you love? What happened when you did?

If These Walls Could Speak

I didn't think it was possible. My mom didn't either. Yet my sister, her husband, their two children, and I all fit--rather comfortably--into my studio apartment for the weekend. And we had a super good time!

Tonight, as I sit in a very quiet room, I'm reminded of a song by Amy Grant that I used to want to play as the background to my farewell speech after reigning as some version of a Miss Tabor City pageant queen. [No. I was never in a pageant--go figure--but I must admit that I secretly got swept into pageant fever by my friends :-).] The song ponders the very simple question of what these walls would say should they be able to speak.

Here's what I think mine would say:

Deanna, you are loved.

Remember the sounds of Griffin and Amelia playing, laughing, and feeling a deep sense of excitement because they were with you. Those sounds are precious and can never be replaced.

Remember the happy anticipation of a sleepy Griffin, in your bed, looking forward to waking up next to you in the morning so that you could "roll around and bang on each other" and then spend the day at the zoo together. Remember how he overflowed with the words, "I love you, Dee," just before falling asleep.

Remember Griffin and Amelia giving each other sweet little hugs and snuggling with mama and daddy. Remember Griffin getting Amelia a little cup of water to go with his cup of water beside the bed.

Remember having your family around the picnic table by the lake, eating together, and then running to my walls to get out of the sudden rainstorm that you watched move across the lake.

Remember the generosity and carefree spirit of Dana and Finley and how they showed you new parts of the town and made you feel proud to live in this place.

Remember the look of content innocence that Amelia gave you as you held her and read to her and she said, "I love you very very much."

Remember how Dana and Finley cleaned my space so that you could walk out on the dock one last time with Griffin and Amelia.

Remember that you watched them come into this world.

Deanna, you are loved. And it's okay to miss them and cry. But remember that the love is still here, in these walls, in this space, in your heart...

"And these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love."

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

My Commentary on Isaiah 43:1-13

Yesterday on the South Carolina Acteens page, I posted the following "note," only I didn't indicate or comment on what jumped out at me as I read the passage for myself. I'm going to do that here, indicating my points of interest IN ALL CAPS and then briefly writing my thoughts (in bold parenthesis):

Read these verses slowly and carefully, even if you get bogged down in them or don't know exactly what they mean.

Maybe even read the verses two or three times.

What words or phrases jump out at you? Jot those down and/or share them with other Acteens/Acteens Leaders.

Pray that the Holy Spirit will help you make sense of God's message to you today.

1-4 But now, God's Message, the God who made you in the first place, Jacob,
the One who got you started, Israel:
"Don't be afraid, I've redeemed you.
I've called your name. You're mine.
When you're in over your head, I'll be there with you.
When you're in rough waters, you will not go down.
When you're between a rock and a hard place,
it won't be a dead end—
Because I am God, your personal God,
The Holy of Israel, your Savior.
I paid a huge price for you:
all of Egypt, with rich Cush and Seba thrown in!
That's how much you mean to me!
That's how much I LOVE YOU (even though we know that God is love, the words "I love you" don't appear very often in scripture. I love that this says, point blank, I love you."
I'd sell off the whole world to get you back,
trade the creation just for you.

5-7"So don't be afraid: I'm with you.
I'll round up all your scattered children,
pull them in from east and west.
I'll send orders north and south:
'Send them back.
Return my sons from distant lands,
my daughters from faraway places.
I want them back, every last one who bears my name,
every man, woman, and child
WHOM I CREATED FOR MY GLORY (the NIV says "the people I formed for myself that they may proclaim my praise." I think it's interesting that I read this yesterday, after posting the question, "What is the meaning of life?" According to this, it is to proclaim God's praise. Interesting timing, eh?)
yes, personally formed and made each one.'"

8-13Get the blind and deaf out here and ready—
the blind (though there's nothing wrong with their eyes)
and the deaf (though there's nothing wrong with their ears).
Then get the other nations out here and ready.
Let's see what they have to say about this,
how they account for what's happened.
LET THEM PRESENT THEIR EXPERT WITNESSES
AND MAKE THEIR CASE;
LET THEM TRY TO CONVINCE US WHAT THEY SAY IS TRUE (The NIV says "Review the past for me, let us argue the matter together; state the case for your innocence." I find it interesting that God says, "Let us argue the matter together." To me it raises the question of whether or not what we say influences God's decisions. If it does, then it sounds like the person with the best, most convincing argument, wins. And, well, for some reason, that makes me a bit uncomfortable.)

"But you are my witnesses." God's Decree.
"You're my handpicked servant
So that you'll come to know and trust me,
understand both that I am and who I am.
Previous to me there was no such thing as a god,
nor will there be after me.
I, yes I, am God.
I'm the only Savior there is.
I spoke, I saved, I told you what existed
long before these upstart gods appeared on the scene.
And you know it, you're my witnesses,
you're the evidence." God's Decree.
"Yes, I am God.
I've always been God
and I always will be God.
No one can take anything from me.
I make; who can unmake it?"
(The MSG translation)

Monday, July 12, 2010

The Meaning of Life


I suppose we all do it at some point--question the meaning of life. I've been doing it off and on for the past few years, passing through periods of contentment and peace only to have them shaken by philosophy once again.

I don't remember exactly what's triggered my latest episode of questioning, but it's been going on for a couple of weeks now. No matter what else I'm thinking or doing, there's the constant underpinning of the question: What's the point of this all?

And so, like always, I've been asking different people their thoughts, and I've gotten a variety of answers:

We are here to worship God.

We are here to see how much hardship we can endure before we die.

We are here to learn to love deeper and deeper, more and more fully, to grow and expand in our ability to love, until we are ready to meet Love face to face--until we are ready to return to the Love from which we came...and I think we should enjoy the journey along the way. I think that we should find joy and purpose as we seek to expand our love and in end be ready to crawl into God's lap.

We are here to eat, drink, and find pleasure in God's creation.

We are here to help eliminate the evil and suffering in this world by not responding in kind. When someone hurts us but we refuse to react out of hurt or negativity, then we can successfully allow that hurt to die and replace it with the love that comes from God. God is all goodness and wants goodness to exist, and so we must help create that goodness in addition to helping stop its opposite.

We are here to provide God comic relief.

We are here to make this world a better place...just as Jesus made this world a better place.
--------

What about you? What is your answer to the question (albeit in different forms at different times) that has risen from its dormant place in my heart?

What is the meaning of life? What's the point of it all? Why are we here--on this earth--in this space and time? Is there a reason?

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Come To Me

It started with a chord.

My friend Amy and I were playing guitar on Saturday afternoon when she played a chord that I really liked. It was rich and mellow and its vibration rang in my ears.

From that one chord we added more chords until we had a progression that we liked.

Then I asked a crucial question: "What's your favorite verse or passage of scripture?"

After searching through her Bible and reading numerous verse and passages that were powerful but just didn't fit with the music, we finally stumbled upon Matthew 11:28-29.

A few minutes later, we had a song.

It's a simple song, really. A paraphrase of the words of Christ that seem to be more poignant now than ever. We are so busy. And so many of us are so tired. Yet somehow, in the midst of it all, Jesus promises that his yoke is easy and his burden light. Jesus promises peace. Jesus promises rest.

And I don't know about you...but I need to rest.


Come To Me
7/3/10
Matthew 11:28-29
with Amy Humphries

Come to me
All you who labor and are tired
Come to me
And I will give you rest

Take my easy yoke
And learn from me
For I am gentle
And humble in heart

Yes, you will find rest
For your weary soul
Just come to me
My burden is light

Come to me
My burden is light
Come to me
Come to me

*listen at http://www.reverbnation.com/deannadeaton*

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Special Gifts


Monday was my mom's birthday.

When my sister asked her son, Griffin, what he thought they should give Nana for her birthday, Griffin said clothes.

When asked what kind of clothes, Griffin said colorful clothes.

"Colorful clothes?"

"Yes. Colorful clothes with little sparkly things on them."

For those of you who know my mom, you know that this description of her clothes is quite accurate. Her clothes are always very nice and often quite colorful and decorative--with sparkly things on them.

Griffin is four and a half :-).

After finishing my mom's birthday lunch, during which Griffin randomly looked at his daddy and said, "Daddy? What if your name was Tootington?" [this coming from the same child who, on his own, named the trees in his backyard the Near and Far Trees of Knolls], we went to get some birthday ice cream.

In the upstairs of the ice cream store, there was a gift shop. In the gift shop was a rack of clothes. On the rack of clothes was a plethora of colorful shirts with little sparkly things on them. Amazed at their good fortune, my sister and Griffin chose a pink shirt with sparkly sea shells.

My mom loved her gift.

In addition to the pleasure of my family's company and my mom's birthday happiness, I received a gift that day, too. In the same room of the gift shop as the colorful, sparkly shirts, I found a stack of prints by an artist to whom I had been drawn before. As I sifted through the pile, one of the prints captured my attention and brought tears to my eyes:

"Speak quietly to yourself and promise there will be better days.

Whisper gently to yourself and provide assurance that you really are extending your best effort.

Console your bruised and tender spirit with reminders of many other successes.

Offer comfort in practical and tangible ways—as if you were encouraging your dearest friend.

Recognize that on certain days the greatest grace is that the day is over and you get to close your eyes.

Tomorrow comes more brightly…"

--Mary Anne Radmacher

I bought the print for myself, and I will frame it soon. It will be a gift from myself to myself...and it will be tied not only to the beauty of its very existence and message but also to the story of the day...my mom's birthday...and her pink, sparkly shirt.

Matthew 6:25-34...A Paraphrase

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Creator feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to her life?

And why do you worry about clothes? See how the creatures of the sea are clothed. They do not labor or spin, yet they are covered, shielded, and protected with unique and intricate colors and patterns. I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the creatures of the sea, that are here today and tomorrow washed ashore, will God not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Creator knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.