Misplaced Expectations

 

"I have the annual holiday wreath making event tomorrow," Barb The Art Teacher said. "You should come. It starts at 10, but you should get there around 9:30."

 

And so I went. 

 

I thought I was supposed to go to the art studio. I was actually supposed to go to Barb's house. 

 

I thought I needed to be there at 9:30 to get a seat. I was actually supposed to get there early so I could ride with Barb to a farm.

 

I thought the event started at 10. It actually was a floating event that was scheduled from 10 until 2. We got there around 11:30. 

 

I thought that there would be a teacher guiding me through the wreath-making process. It was actually a come and make-as-you-can process. 

 

I thought that there would be a small selection of greenery to choose from. There were actually 10-15 different types of greenery and countless embellishments. 

 

I thought that I would be placing individual pieces of greenery into a Styrofoam mold. I actually placed seven bundles of pre-arranged greenery into a wire form. 

 

I thought that there would be a small group of people indoors, wearing masks. There was actually a rather large group of people outdoors, not wearing masks (except for me).

 

I thought that there would be plenty of space to work. I actually had a very small table.  

 

I thought that I would be finished and on my way home by noon. I actually left to go home around 3. 

 

I thought that I would enjoy a low-key wreath-making experience on a Saturday morning. I actually spent the majority of my day completely overwhelmed. 

 

The whole day was a day of misplaced expectations. But it was the perfect day to practice mindfulness. 

 

I wish that I could tell you that I adjusted nicely to all of my misplaced expectations. I did not. I really was overwhelmed by the enormity of it all and I couldn't get past the large number of people not wearing masks. But I tried. 

 

I tried to focus on how happy Barb was. I tried to enjoy the lovely weather and the beautiful scenery of the farm. I tried to smile at the glee in children's voices as they yelled, "Hay ride!" I tried to be content as I watched Barb make a wreath for her mom after she had just made one for mine. I tried to acknowledge how uncomfortable I felt and let those feelings pass through me when they came. "I will do better next year," I kept telling myself. "I will know what to expect. And I will plan accordingly. And I will not be overwhelmed."

 

Even though the day was nothing like I expected, I'm glad that I went to the holiday wreath making event with Barb. It was an experience that I won't soon forget, and it yielded a wonky, yet sort of pretty, wreath for my mom. 

 

What about you? What is something you've experienced that has completely gone against your expectations? Were you able to make the most of it or were you completely overwhelmed? 

 

Every moment of every day is a moment to practice mindfulness. Good, bad. Happy, sad. We can be present wherever we are for such a time as this...even when the time is floating but you expected it to be fixed. 

Thanks + Giving

 

Contrary to what it might seem, we are not huge Christmas decorating fans at the Deaton Household. We especially don’t anxiously debate how soon is too soon to decorate for Christmas because, truthfully, we’re often lucky to get decorated for Christmas at all!

 

“So, why are you decorated before Thanksgiving this year?” you might ask.

 

Because our sweet Amelia started a tradition that, after Thanksgiving, she would with us and help us decorate for Christmas. She did it last year and looked forward to it all year this year…and I don’t think her time here disappointed her.

 

“Wait,” you might say. “Thanksgiving is today. Have you gone back to the future?”

 

No. My family celebrated Thanksgiving together with a socially distant celebration on Sunday. Afterwards, Amelia chose to spend her entire Fall Break at our house, helping mom put up the mantle decorations, the main tree, the Hallmark bands, and other miscellaneous items; and helping me set out the nativity scenes, purchase and organize my secret Santa gifts, make my first gingerbread house, and put up a second tree in the music room (under mom’s supervision).

 

We had an absolutely glorious time…and…the house is decorated for Christmas!...

 

A good friend of mine posted something this morning that really made me think. In essence, the word Thanksgiving is made of two words: thanks + giving. I know, for me, I always focus on the first part of the word during the Thanksgiving season. I give thanks for friends and family, home and work, food and drink, indoor plumbing and outdoor fire pits. I encourage my students to give thanks for their teachers and their other blessings. I give thanks openly and readily on Thanksgiving Day, exchanging text and Facebook messages with friends near and far. But how often do I give? And what can I give today that will make someone else’s life better?

 

Amelia gave her time to me and my family this Thanksgiving season. She gave her smile and laughter, her creativity and strength. And she made our lives better.

 

So what can you give today? Tomorrow? This Thanks-giving and beyond? Let’s give thanks, yes. Absolutely give thanks! We cannot give thanks enough!

 

But, friends, let’s not forget the giving. For Thanks-giving comes in two parts. And for both, we can, and should, be grateful.     

Taking Jesus At His Word

A few Sundays ago, I heard a sermon that connected to my core. As part of the sermon, the pastor addressed an anonymous writer who questioned the authenticity of the church's belief in Jesus and Jesus' word.  In response to the writer, the pastor publicly declared the following: 

 

"We...take Jesus at his word. We believe that we are to feed the hungry, clothe the naked, welcome the stranger, visit the sick and the prisoner. 

 

We take Jesus at his word: to bring good news to the poor, to proclaim release to the captives, recovery of sight to the blind, and to let the oppressed go free. 

 

We take Jesus at his word: blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called the children of God. 

 

We take Jesus at his word: to love our neighbor as ourselves. 

 

We take Jesus at his word: there is neither Jew nor Greek nor Muslim nor American; male nor female...slave or free, better than and less than; Christian or non-Christian, we are all one in God’s kin-dom." (Nancy E. Petty)

 

Yes! I thought. This is the Jesus I know, love, serve, and follow! This is the Jesus who lived and died a life worthy of my honor and praise. That is the Jesus who brought me out of darkness and into light. That is the Jesus who sits at my core and guides my every day.

 

Truthfully, what the pastor said is nothing new. She pulled her responses straight from scripture. She stated things that I've heard my whole life. And yet...in today's world of increasingly polarized Christianity, we add all kinds of rules, regulations, and guidelines to our religion. We make it so ridiculously complicated that we forget the heart of what Jesus taught about living out our faith. So being reminded of those words that day was so refreshingly beautiful that it cut straight to my heart. And I am grateful.

 

What is the last sermon, book, or talk that cut straight to your heart? What was its message? What is it that sits in your core and guides you every day? Please consider sharing. I'd love to hear this Thanksgiving season.

Lovely Needy People

 

Amazon Music is a wonderful thing. 

 

Every Monday, it provides me with a Discovery Playlist--a compilation of 25 songs that I otherwise would never hear--an introduction into a world of music previously unknown to me. The list changes every week and is based on my listening preferences. One week the list may be full of Christian music. One week showtunes. One week folk/singer/songwriter. One week a mixture of them all.

 

As I was making my way through this week’s playlist, singing along to versions of songs that I'd never heard yet somehow heard a hundred times, I heard a song that was completely new to me. At first, the piano part drew me in. (I'm a sucker for a good piano-driven song!) But then, it was the words...

 

I was so moved by the song that I asked Amazon Music to connect me to the band, The Many. In listening to more of their music, I found another song that deeply resonated with me, and I hope it will resonate with you, too.

 

"Oh you prisoners in your cells 

All you in private hells 

Kyrie eleison 

All you hungry and ignored 

Who thirst for something more 

Kyrie eleison 

 

You who feel so lost but are afraid of being found 

You who are in chains but are afraid to live unbound 

Kyrie eleison, kyrie eleison

 

For all us lovely needy people 

Living in this world that’s spinning 

Round and round and round 

Round and round and round 

For all us lovely broken people

Living in this world that’s spinning 

Round and round and round 

Round and round and round 

 

Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy 

Kyrie eleison, kyrie eleison 

 

Oh you children ripped and torn 

Battered, bruised and worn 

Kyrie eleison 

All who look hate in the face 

Locked in hate’s embrace 

Kyrie eleison 

 

You who’ve given up and can’t see anywhere but down 

You who’ve lost all hope and think it’s nowhere to be found 

Kyrie eleison, kyrie eleison

 

There is mercy enough, there is grace enough. 

There is love enough for all of us."

 

What music has been resonating with you lately? What music has given voice to your faith and doubt, your questions and fears, your confessions and longings? Amazon Music is great. But human connection is better, so I’d love to hear.    

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h_6gxdeJ_LY

Keep Writing

 

Last night, as I was leaving the Food Lion parking lot with my window rolled down,

I heard someone say, "Hey, Miss Deanna."

Surprised to hear my name and see a familiar face, I said, "Oh! Hey!”

The friendly voice then said, “Keep writing!"

I said I'd try.

Then I thought to myself, 

"We had less than twenty seconds to talk.

We hadn't seen each other in months.

She could have asked about my parents,

Or how I was doing,

Or told me she missed me. 

But she chose to tell me to keep writing.

That's pretty amazing."

And so, I keep writing.

Even when I don't have much to say.

 

Like today.

 

My mom sent me to the Hallmark store on Saturday.

I hadn't been in months because 

Going to the Hallmark store is dangerous business

If I want to live within my means.

It's especially dangerous when I need to spend a certain amount of money

To get something free.

Let's just say that I accomplished my goal. Plus some.

I got my free stuff. Plus some.

And I picked up some really good gifts along the way.

I'd like to say that they were Christmas gifts, 

But I couldn't wait to give them so I gave them that day.

All three friends were very excited about their gifts,

Especially the friend with whom I did “Disney In A Day” last year.

I hadn’t seen her smile so genuinely in quite some time.

It’s always good to see people smile,

Especially when you know that you care enough to send (give) the very best.

(Thanks, Hallmark). 

 

See. I don’t have much to say.

 

Standing on duty this morning, 

The PE teacher burst into song, 

"The stars at night shine big and bright,

*clap, clap, clap, clap*

Deep in the heart of Texas!"

All day, 

Underneath Native American music,

And music about pumpkins and turkeys,

I've been singing, 

"The stars at night shine big and bright,

*clap, clap, clap, clap*

Deep in the heart of Texas!"

 

And now you're singing it, too.

You're welcome. 

 

The End 😊.

 

-----

 

When is the last time someone said something that meant a lot to you?

 

What store must you avoid lest you spent your entire paycheck?

 

When is the last time you spent a lot of money just to get something free? Or that you bought a gift that you couldn’t wait to give so you gave it early?

 

What is the last earworm that you had stuck in your head?

 

Please share! I’d love to know.

 

“Deep in the heart of Texas!” *clap, clap, clap, clap*

 

😊

 

A Wedding And Some Memories

Last night, I had the privilege of officiating a wedding. 

It was a beautiful ceremony--a second chance at love for both the bride and groom and a joining not only of their hearts and hands but also of their families. 

I consider it an honor to have been asked to be part of such a special occasion. In preparing for the wedding, I took a stroll down memory lane. 

You see, the bride and I were fairly close when I worked at Johnsonville. She started out as a mom in the car rider line and turned into a star volunteer and substitute who often brought me coffee to propel me through the day! She was heavily involved in the PTO and ran the book fair for a few years. She even once helped me with Harnett Off-Broadway (my biggest performance of the year) and got on stage to perform with the children! 

But then life happened. She went through a rough patch. God called me away from Johnsonville. Time passed. We didn’t see each other for years. Yet Facebook kept us connected, a message on messenger booked the wedding, and e-mail made the wedding script possible… 

Life brings many people into our lives. While some stay for the long haul, most are actively around for only a season. For years, I didn’t understand this. I mourned and grieved the fading of every friendship. Yet now I understand that most friendships appear for a purpose, to fill a practical need, to challenge us to grow, to form us into a better person, and then to let us go. Thanks to modern technology, we can keep in touch with many of those friends, though. We can follow their lives from a distance and celebrate with them in joy while mourning with them in sorrow. The care and concern can be just as real as when they were active parts of our lives, but they don’t have to remain active parts of our lives for their impact to remain profound… 

…Because memories are powerful. They are mile-markers on our journeys. They are pegs on which we hang our hats. They are the fabric that make our lives’ collages. Memories are part of our present, and memories create the space for more memories when we open ourselves to them, because memories are relationships, and relationships are what life is about.

Last night’s bride and I shared many memories. Though we hadn’t been actively involved in each other’s lives for years, those memories led her to ask me to officiate her wedding which has now added more memories to our lives and friendship. 

So let your mind wander into memory today. If your memories lead you to someone with whom you’re connected via social media, consider sending her a message to let her know she’s on your mind. You never know what spark a message might start: a new purpose, a new need met, a new challenge to grow, a new way of being…or simply a smile as you remember that mile-marker, that peg, that fabric, or that moment when you met for the very first time…

My Car Is Sick, But...

I went to a five-year-old’s birthday party on Saturday afternoon, After helping run errands for a 75-year-old on Saturday morning, After dropping off a new cart at work. An anonymous donor gave me a new cart. I’ve totally nerded out. But I digress. After taking dinner home and eating with my parents on Saturday night, I got in my car to go to the grocery store. The car wouldn’t start. The same car that I had been driving all day, Suddenly wouldn’t start. I was sad. And I’m still sad. Because the car still won’t start, Even after checking and charging the battery. It will be towed later today. Out of the garage. To the car doc. Where it will be fixed. I hope. For not too much money. But here’s what’s good about all of this: I still have my 20-year-old, 336,000 mile car That took me to work today To roll around the new cart that I delivered on Saturday morning Before the car got sick. And when the car got sick, It got sick at home, In the garage, Leaving me at home with a grocery store dilemma Rather than in a parking lot after running errands or In a park after celebrating a five-year-old’s birthday, Wondering how I was going to get home, and Holding up people that I love and care for. Frustrating things happen. Inconvenient things happen. Bad things happen. Things don’t always go as we plan or we wish. I am not happy that my car is sick. And yet, There is still so much good. Always there is good. When we work to find it.

To Know That You're Loved

As I was leaving for work this morning, my dad poked his head in the car window and said, “Ain’t it great to know that you’re loved?” I said, “Yes. And I love you, too.” My dad fixes breakfast for me every morning. He has done this for years. Recently, though, he has taken his morning routine of helpfulness one step further. He now walks to the car with me to open my door because he noticed how my hands were always full with said breakfast and coffee and lunch. Once he opens the door, I give him a hug, tell him I love him, get in the car, and make my way to work. I know. I am lucky to receive such a huge morning blessing each day. This morning, after my dad poked his head in the window and said what he said, I spent the entire drive to school thinking about his statement (trying to ignore his bad grammar, which, is really atypical): “Ain’t it great to know that you’re loved?” It is. And I know that I’m loved in so many different ways. Just this week, for instance, I’ve known love by… A friend helping me prepare a staff gift even though she had a ton of work to do herself. Another friend writing to ask how I’m doing even though she is suffering at home with Covid. Yet another friend asking me to her 5-year-old’s birthday party and allowing me to be an active part of her children’s lives. A mom who cooks supper each night and sits with me while I watch TV. A parent who lights up when she sees me in the car rider line. A teacher helping me solve technological issues in her classroom. A thank you note arriving in the mail. And research done on my behalf to find the perfect cup-holder for my cart. Friends: Ain’t it great to know that you’re loved? If you are reading this, you are loved, too. Sometimes, the ways aren’t as obvious as some of the ways I have known love this week. But the ways are almost always there if you will but take the time to recognize them. What are some ways you have been loved this week? Oh…And I didn’t even mention the beauty of God’s creation, the crisp autumn air, the crunch of pinecones under foot, the smell of campfires and pinestraw and falling leaves…

Alone vs. Social

When I was in college, I never snacked on the snacks in my room. Instead, I snacked on the snacks in a friend’s room—not because I was too cheap to buy them for myself—but because, I realized, I’m a social snacker. To a certain extent, I’m still the same way. I don’t snack a lot at home, but if you put me with a group of people and make snacks available, then I can snack with the best of them. I’m coming to realize that the same is true with fire. I love contained fire. I have a fire pit. I have wood. I’ve learned how to start fire. There is no reason that I can’t build a fire for myself on a clear summer or crisp fall night. Yet I don’t. But put me in front of a contained fire with friends or family members, and I’m about as happy as I can be. In fact, one of my friends commented the other night, “We’re seeing Deanna in her happy place right now.” I was standing by the fire at her house, fire stick in hand, listening to the sound of her little girls’ laughter. There are some things that we must do alone—think of therapy or self-care. There are some things that we choose to do alone—think of reading a book. There are some things that we are forced to do alone—think of taking a test. And that’s okay. There are times when alone is required or needed. But there are some things that are just plain better with people—think of going to the theatre. There are some things that we choose to do only with other people—think of parties. There are some things we are forced to do with other people—think of group projects. And that’s okay, too. There are times with other people are required or needed. Life must be a balance. We must have our introverted and extraverted moments. We must know when alone vs. together is best. And we must embrace each of those times for what they are… Ultimately, I’m glad that I’m a social snacker vs. a solo snacker. And I’m glad that I’m a social contained firer vs. a solo contained firer. Alone, both could be dangerous. What about you? What are your alone go-to’s vs. your social go-to’s? And when is the last time you had a social gathering that made you smile? And by the way…that friend who declared me in my happy place the other night is the same friend from whose room I snacked in college. Long-lasting friendships are beautiful things. Take a few moments to celebrate your long-lasting friendships now. You never know when a word from you will make all the difference in the world.