And Yet God Was With Me

 

I had the privilege of helping lead a retreat this past weekend. 

Around 40 Lutheran women from NC gathered in Isle of Palms, SC, to talk about 

Making a Joyful Noise through Music, Worship, and Dance. 

My friends Jes, Carolyn, and Heidi (Not the Librarian) met on Wednesday nights for a couple of months, 

Logging around 75 collective hours of

Brainstorming, texting, reading, writing, making handouts, making lists, ordering supplies, practicing, and packing 

In order to be ready for the weekend. 

 

And we were ready. 

 

I was even ready to lead contemporary worship,

Which I hadn’t done in years!

 

And then I lost my voice.

 

Again.

 

This time, I went to the doctor.

I had another upper respiratory virus that had once again settled on my vocal cords. 

 

I prayed and prayed that God would heal me. 

I prayed and prayed that I would get better. 

I prayed and prayed that adrenaline would kick in and that I’d be able to sing. 

I prayed and prayed and prayed for a miracle. 

After all, I was trying to do God’s work.

 

I took Thursday off work to rest my body and voice,

I’m on high powered cough syrup, Tylenol, ibuprofen, and a steroid, 

But I’m still not completely well. 

 

And the retreat is over.

 

I don’t know why God acts when God acts 

Or why God doesn’t act when God doesn’t.

 

I don’t know why I had to experience a retreat, 

One of my favorite things in the world, 

On music and worship, 

Two of my favorite topics in the world, 

Not feeling my best and not having full voice. 

But I did. 

 

And now it’s up to me to respond.

To celebrate teamwork and compassion and sharing the load and silence and humility and movement—

All things of God that came to light and remain even in the midst of

The sadness and frustration that, 

If I’m honest,

I feel

Over not being at my best to lead.

 

God did not heal me of my upper respiratory infection in record time. 

God did not fix my voice so that I could sing.

But God was with me. 

And God, through time and medicine and rest, 

Is making me well. 

 

And God is doing the same in you too, friend.

Wherever you are, 

Whatever you’re going through,

God is with you.

And God loves you.

So very very much. 

 

Amen.