On Sam's Birthday

 

Today is St. Patrick’s Day.

Today is also Baby Sam‘s birthday.

Baby Sam was born 11 years ago. 

He, like all babies, had black poop when he pooped for the first time. 

I didn’t know this was the norm, 

So I was shocked.  

Sam’s mom, A, through her post birth pains, 

Laughed at me. 

 

Baby Sam lived a good life. 

He was well-loved by his Mama, Papa, and big sister,

As well as his extended family and friends. 

Baby Sam died when he was just six months old.

His life and death made a huge impact on all who knew him, 

Not the least of which was me. 

 

There are a lot of things we will never understand in life,

Sudden Infant death syndrome being one of them.

There are a lot of things that are sad and unfair and infuriating and crazy making and 

They leave us hurt and angry and lost and confused. 

 

Our tendency in life is to want to control  things. 

But some things can’t be controlled. 

Yet when we’re hurt and angry and lost and confused, 

We want to control things even more. 

We want to fix things. 

We want to make everything better.

We want to make sweeping changes that will put everything into balance. 

And then we get overwhelmed because it seems like there is nothing we can do because the problem is too great. 

 

In the movie Frozen Two, 

At her moment of deepest despair,

When all seems lost,

Anna sings this song: 

 

I've seen dark before

But not like this

This is cold

This is empty

This is numb

The life I knew is over

The lights are out

Hello, darkness

I'm ready to succumb

 

I follow you around

I always have

But you've gone to a place I cannot find

This grief has a gravity

It pulls me down

But a tiny voice whispers in my mind

"You are lost, hope is gone

But you must go on

And do the next right thing"

 

Can there be a day beyond this night?

I don't know anymore what is true

I can't find my direction, I'm all alone

The only star that guided me was you

How to rise from the floor

When it's not you I'm rising for?

Just do the next right thing

Take a step, step again

It is all that I can to do

The next right thing

 

I won't look too far ahead

It's too much for me to take

But break it down to this next breath

This next step

This next choice is one that I can make

 

So I'll walk through this night

Stumbling blindly toward the light

And do the next right thing

And with the dawn, what comes then

When it's clear that everything will never be the same again?

Then I'll make the choice

To hear that voice

And do the next right thing

 

Friends:

No matter where you find yourself today, 

Or in this season of life, 

I pray that you will stop trying to control 

Everything 

And just do the next right thing. 

 

Amen.