The Struggle to Stay Present

 

I went to see a show in Durham last Thursday night. 

Before the show, I went to dinner with a friend.

We went to a restaurant that serves African cuisine

And the food was delicious!

But I had to employee all of my staying present tools

To sit there and be present

Instead of just worrying about time. 

 

The show started at 7:30.

Our reservation for dinner was at six.

We got there and were seated at 5:50. 

At 6:20, we still hadn’t placed our food order,

Nor had we gotten the sodas we had requested.

And it wasn’t because the restaurant was crowded.

There were only three other tables seated.

 

Usually, an hour and a half is plenty of time to eat. 

And in the end, it turned out to be enough time for us. 

But while we were waiting for what seemed like an eternity,

An hour and a half didn’t seem like enough.

 

I knew what was happening inside of me.

I knew that I was anxious about time. 

Though my self-imposed obligation to always be early has lessened over the years

And I’ve learned that time is a bit more fluid than I always made it,

There are some things to which I still want to be early.

And shows are one of them.

 

I was sitting with good company. 

We were safe and warm. 

There was no real reason for me to feel stressed. 

And yet there I sat,

Body tense, 

Leg bouncing, 

Constantly checking the time on my phone, 

Inwardly judging myself because I knew I wasn’t at peace because I was 

Worrying about the future of what could be instead of 

Staying grounded in the present of what actually was. 

 

It’s hard to stay present in reality. 

It’s hard not to project what if’s onto the future or

Reel on the what was’s of the past. 

It’s hard not to think that people are out to get you

Or that the universe is conspiring against you

Or that your time is more valuable than anyone else’s.

 

But our challenge is to do what’s hard

And attempt to stay present in the moment.

 

So may we each accept the challenge of fully living and resting in moments of goodness and peace.  

 

Small blessings surround us,

Like good food and company. 

 

May we embrace those moments in the present 

And trust ourselves to deal with the future when it happens. 

 

Amen.