Showing Love This Holiday Season

A few weeks ago, we had an after-school gathering that was open to everyone on staff. We have around 70 people on staff. 4 of us showed up.

 

For some, this lack of attendance would signify a failed event. For me, the event was perfect because it allowed me to get to know the other three teachers in a more intimate way. We sat and chatted for at least an hour, and in that hour, we talked about both serious and silly things. We laughed a lot and learned a lot, and in so many ways that laughter was healing.

 

When it came time to leave, without thinking about it, I opened my arms and went in for the hug with one of my colleagues. Only after I’d started the process did I realize that I didn’t know if she was a hugger or if my actions would make her uncomfortable. Thankfully, she hugged me back, but I quickly confessed, “I’m a hugger. I usually rein it in at school, though, because I know that not everyone is a hugger.” I then asked my other two colleagues if they were huggers before hugging them.

 

A few years ago, one of my dearest friends taught me a valuable lesson: Not everyone likes to hug! For someone whose secondary love language is physical touch, this was a preposterous thought to me! But it’s true. For various reasons, some people don’t like to be touched. So now I try to respect boundaries before going in for the hug. As strange as it seems, respecting people’s boundaries and NOT hugging them without permission is one simple way that I can show love.

 

As the holidays have approached, I’ve been thinking about ways to show my love for the people in my life. Most of you have probably heard of The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. In case you haven’t heard, though, the Five Love Languages are: 1) Words of Affirmation, 2) Physical Touch, 3) Quality Time (focused, dedicated time for one person), 4) Gifts (including the gift of time, which is more about offering your time to someone than it is about the quality of that time), and 5) Acts of Service. Chapman’s idea is that each of us has preferred ways of both giving and receiving love, and sometimes those ways differ even within ourselves.

 

This holiday season, consider The Five Love Languages as you give and receive. Would someone in your life prefer sincerely written words of affirmation with a generic gift card just as much as or more than an expensive, hand-picked trinket? Would someone in your life prefer that you make an intentional date with them once a month just as much as or more than anything you could buy? Would someone in your life prefer you to come up with a thoughtful trinket just as much or more than giving them a coupon to clean out their car once a quarter? Would someone in your life appreciate hugs?

 

You get the idea. Different people appreciate different things. And yet. To be fully loved, we need all the things…both given and received.

 

Dear God: Help us to be intentional about gifts this holiday season. Give us creativity to come up with meaningful gifts for those we love and give us the ability to respect people’s boundaries all year round. You are the greatest gift, and we thank you for being the ultimate example of Love. Amen.