The Fulfillment of Life

 

A few months ago, Joe The Counselor recommended that I read “Aging: The Fulfillment of Life” by Henri Nouwen. According to Amazon, “Aging: The Fulfillment of Life” is a book that “shows how to make the later years a source of hope rather than a time of loneliness -- a way out of darkness into the light. ‘Aging,’ the authors write, ‘is not a reason for despair, but a basis of hope, not a slow decaying, but a gradual maturing, not a fate to be undergone but a chance to be embraced.’"

 

Joe knows well the issues that I have with getting older—the fears that I carry around death and dying—so I bought the book. It’s been sitting on my bedside table for months. Last Wednesday, as Lent began, I decided that I would finally read it. And so I began. And I quietly cried.

 

“Desolation is the crippling experience of the shrinking circle of friends with the devastating awareness that the few years left to live will not allow you to widen the circle again. Desolation is the gnawing feeling of being left behind by those who have been close and dear to you during the many years of life. It is the knowledge of the heart saying that nobody else will be as close to you as the friend you have lost…You have only one life cycle to live and only a few really entered that cycle and became your travel companions, sharing the moments of ecstasy and despair, as well as the long days of routine living. When they leave you, you know you have to travel on alone. Even to the friendly people who you will meet on your way, you will never be able to say, ‘Do you remember?’ because they were not there when you lived it. Then life becomes like a series of reflections in a broken window…[Desolation] means a rupture in one’s history, a cutting away of familiar ties, a social denudation. In this desolation the experience of loneliness breaks through to the center of one’s existence, a loneliness often expressed in fond memories of the time when one was still together with friends and relatives.”

 

Even now, as I copy this excerpt, I feel deep a sadness in my heart. Losing friends and loved ones, whether it be through a cut-off, through the natural progression of life, or through death, is one of the things that I fear most in life. It hurts so very bad. So knowing that this is a reality of growing older cuts straight to my core. And yet… I feel a strange sense of hope and encouragement as I reflect upon this passage today: I feel a deep conviction to honor and celebrate the relationships in my life while they are here.

 

Sometimes, I get so caught up in the fear of being alone that I forget to be present with those around me. And sometimes, I worry so much about people leaving that I stop myself from getting too close lest I get hurt when they do. But what is the point of this? Hurt will come regardless. Today’s passage on desolation reminds us of such. So why not dive in completely and live the full catastrophe life that Joe so often challenges me to live? Why not give it my all and pour myself out completely while I have the opportunity to do so? Why not pour out so much love that I forget how to do anything else…

 

God is love. God’s love never fails. God is always present. Always with us. Always real. So why not tap into that love and let it flow in deep, rich, and powerful ways? Why not let this be the fulfillment of life? Right now. Today. Tomorrow. As we grow older and maybe even as we grow toward alone…

 

Amen.