Deconstructing Faith

 

For over fifteen years

I wholeheartedly and unapologetically

Devoted my life to empowering women, 

Especially young women, 

On their faith journeys.

I worked with an organization whose primary focus is women

And how women can use their lives to serve others on mission.

I lived, breathed, and dreamed my work with the organization 

And I believed in it so much that I chose to ignore a blaring truth:

The organization’s primary ministry partner 

Ultimately does not support women. 

 

I believed that the good outweighed the bad. 

I believed that women needed a challenging yet encouraging voice of support from within. 

I believed that I could stand in the middle between conservative and liberal beliefs. 

I believed that I could make a difference. 

And I did.

I know that. 

 

But I have come to realize that the biggest difference that was made

Was not me on the system,

But the system on me.

 

After years and years and years

Of overtly and covertly hearing and seeing

That women are inferior to men,

That women can serve in churches but not be the pastor,

That women must be submissive to their husbands no matter the cost,

That Christians should hate the sin but love the sinner,

That other religions are bad and wrong,

That Christianity is a conquest, 

That we will one day be held accountable for the souls we saved, 

That humankind is wretched and depraved and that we are nothing save for the blood of Jesus Christ,

I realized that there had to be more to the narrative. 

 

I realized that the extremely damning and negative view I had of myself 

Was suffocating and causing me to live in fear and shame and resentment.

And that’s not how I believed God wanted 

me to live.

 

Deconstructing faith is hard. 

Naming the beliefs that have influenced us, and realizing that they no longer jive with who we have become is challenging. 

This is the questioning stage of faith, 

When faith becomes our own, 

And when we no longer simply associate with the groups that have formed us. 

 

For all those years,

I did my best with the information and experience that I had.

But when the system is trying to control you and hold power over you

Through micro aggressions masked as morals and absolute truth

It’s hard to know that you need to break free.

 

May we all break free from the chains that bind 

And the deep rooted systems that try to tell us that we are less than because of 

Gender, race, sexual orientation, nationality, socioeconomic status, education level, or anything else that does not fit the 1950’s American dream. 

 

God is so much bigger than we make God

And God‘s love is so much deeper than we can comprehend.

May we learn to empower others with that love and 

May we be exactly who God made us to be—

Without a glass ceiling of limits.

 

Amen.

May It Be So

 

I had a coupon for $1 off two bags of cat food, 

So I naturally bought two. 

Only one bag fits in our airtight cat food container, though,

So I put the other bag in the garage. 

Mistake. 

A happy cat found it, ate through the bag, and had a feast!

Unlimited cat food is not meant to be left within reach of an endlessly hungry cat.

 

…

 

I recently saw a little puddle of water on the floor at the bottom of the refrigerator. 

Just a few months ago, 

The water hose in the back of the refrigerator cracked and saturated the floor boards,

So I was afraid it had happened again.

I pulled out the fridge. 

Nothing. 

A day later, I opened the fridge and saw water standing on the bottom shelf.

I wiped it up.

Just a few moments later, I opened the fridge again and saw more water standing on the bottom shelf.

This time I decided to investigate.

I pulled out the bottom drawer and

Found a huge sheet of ice,

Half an inch thick,

Sitting there.

Half inch thick ice is not meant to be in the refrigerator.

 

…

 

When I came back to work after Spring Break,

There was a pair of socks on the floor.

Evidently, a kid had taken off his socks during music class

On the Friday before break.

Socks are not meant to be taken off and left on the floor of the music room.

 

…

 

When Mary realized that Jesus was not in the tomb,

She went to tell the other disciples.

They did not believe her and thought her full of nonsense.

Mary had seen with her eyes and felt it in her body

That Jesus was risen.

Yet the men did not trust her experience

And had to see for themselves.

Women are not meant to be doubted and questioned when we speak from experience.

 

…

 

Cat food should be put away.

Ice should be in the freezer.

Socks should stay on feet while at school.

And women should be respected and trusted just as much as men.

 

May it be so.

 

The end.

The Easter Story

 

How do you tell the Easter Story

In a way that is thought-provoking and engaging

To people who have either

Heard the story their whole lives or

Come to church for the first time?

 

How do you tell the Easter Story

In a way that is new and exciting

To people who have either

Stayed true to the story their whole lives or

Wandered away from its impact due to questions and doubts?

 

How do you tell the Easter Story

In a way that is meaningful and real

To people who have either

Known you your entire life or

Seen you for the very first time?

 

These were the questions I was asking myself

As I prepared to preach the Easter Story for the very first time.

My dad was able to go to church yesterday,

To welcome the congregation and to pray,

But he didn’t have the stamina to preach,

So Little Rev. delivered the message instead…

And I was very nervous.

 

Easter is highest of Holy Days in the Christian Tradition.

It’s the pinnacle of our faith and

The very promise of hope, redemption, resurrection, and life.

Easter is one of two Sundays per year that many people come to church.

Easter is a time of joy and celebration, and

Easter is a time of family togetherness and remembering.

 

So how does one prepare an Easter message?

One only needs to

Tell the story:

 

Jesus is not dead.

Christ is not in the tomb.

Jesus Christ is not trapped behind the large, heavy, immovable burden of stone.

And because of this,

Because of the power of resurrection,

Neither are you stuck behind the stone of hopelessness and death.

 

The stone is rolled away!

Christ is risen!
A new beginning is here!

 

Thanks be to God for this indescribable gift.

 

Amen.

Real People

 

I cried at church on Sunday.

We were reading from 

Palm to Passion 

And the emotion of it all just got me. 

 

I think we sometimes go on autopilot 

When we read the story of Jesus’s last week of life. 

We read the events and see them as history 

And forget that real people actually lived them. 

 

I think, too, we sometimes dismiss Judas’s betrayal as preordained 

And forget how difficult it must have been for 

Jesus to receive that kiss. 

 

For that matter, 

I think we sometimes see the whole week as preordained 

And forget how difficult the whole week must have been. 

 

The ups and downs. 

The moments of beauty and of horror. 

The silence and the noise. 

The praise and the condemnation. 

 

It was all lived in real time

With real people who had 

Real emotions and real pain.

 

All of the ways that we’re human now

Were all of the ways that people were human then

And the mob mentality then was just as strong as it is now. 

The mob mentality freed a convicted criminal 

While it condemned an innocent Jesus to death. 

 

It was ugly.

It was brutal. 

They came at him with swords.

They used violence against a peaceful man. 

 

It didn’t have to be that way.

And yet it was.

 

And still Jesus found it in his being to say

Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.

 

Today, on Maundy Thursday, 

As we remember Jesus washing his disciples’ feet, 

Serving his disciples his last meal, 

Going to the garden of Gethsemane, 

And being betrayed, 

May we remember just how real it all was

And may we cry at the emotion and weight of it all.

 

Jesus was fully God, 

But he was fully human.

And we humans haven’t changed much in 2000 years.

 

Amen. 

Womanist Theology

 

Religion 101. 

That’s where we became friends. 

We didn’t abandon our individual friend groups 

To become best friends 

Yet she is one of the best friends I’ve got

In regards to my faith journey and 

The deeper things of life. 

 

For years, 

When we lived closer,

We had dinner once a month.

We may not have talked much in between those dinners

But every time we were together,

It was like no time had passed.

We could just pick up the conversation with where we were in life

And go forward from there.

 

Now that we live farther apart,

We send the occasional text and keep up via Facebook. 

Our in person visits are few and far between

Yet we still have the ability to pick up the conversation with where we are in life

And go forward from there.

No pretense. 

No surface conversation.

Just deep, honest conversation about

Family, life, and faith. 

 

We had the privilege of meeting for coffee last week. 

She was in town for a couple of days 

So we actually got to see each other and squeeze each other’s necks. 

 

I won’t go into all that we talked about because that is private, 

But I will share this. 

She said, 

“I’ve had a break up with scripture…

But what’s getting me back into that relationship is 

Womanist theology.”

 

Womanist theology critically examines religious texts and traditions through the lens of race, gender, and class, and reinterprets them to reflect the unique realities of Black women's lives. 

 

So much of the way we have traditionally read and interpreted scripture

Has been through the lens of 

White men in power. 

Unfortunately, this reading has come to be 

Hurtful and traumatizing for so many people—

Including women, children, people of color, and members of the LGBTQ community. 

 

If it weren’t so, then we wouldn’t have to pray these words 

That were prayed in many Lutheran churches yesterday:

 

Protect those who face hostility or oppression for their faith. 

Humble those who would use faith to dominate others and reinforce their own power. 

 

If the gospel is for everyone,

Then we must make it accessible to everyone, 

Not through changing it 

But through seeing it through different lenses. 

 

Now, before you get mad and say that 

Scripture is scripture and

Should be read and taken literally, 

Let me gently remind you that 

Scripture is the living, breathing word of God 

And should be read under the guidance of the Holy Spirit for 

Today’s time, culture, and context. 

Whether we admit it or not,

We all interpret scripture and pick and choose what resonates with us. 

 

We justify what we want justified

And we double down on what we see as absolute. 

But nothing, really, is absolute 

Except for the love of God 

And the humanity of humankind. 

But even that humanity is in question 

Because some believe in the total depravity and sin of man 

While others believe in the belovedness and goodness of God’s creation. 

 

I say if womanist theology is helping my friend reengage scripture and

Dialogue with God again, 

Then hooray! 

I must admit that I have been listening to a womanist podcast in my car 

Ever since our conversation, 

And it is very enlightening and engaging. 

 

God is God, friends. 

God is so much bigger than we can comprehend 

And so much more love than we give credit. 

 

I am thankful for friends who help bring this truth to light. 

From Religion 101 to afternoon coffee and beyond. 

 

Amen.