I Am Angry

 I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t angry.

I AM angry.

I’m angry at the political strongholds that divide this country.

I’m angry at us against them.

I’m angry at 18-year-olds being able to purchase semi-automatic rifles on their birthdays.

I’m angry that I have to think about escape routes and locked doors and what I would do if I heard or saw a school shooter—and, no, I would not feel safer if I were carrying a firearm because I know just how easy it would be for a student to overtake me and have free access to the weapon.

I’m angry at the injustices in the legal system, especially injustices seen by people of color.

I’m angry at the lack of respect for persons who work in helping professions…and for Veterans.

I’m angry at policymakers who make policies based on money rather than human lives.

I’m angry at the lack of concern for adequate mental health services in our country.

I’m angry at people trying to destroy the public schools.

And I’m angry at the County Commissioners for saying that teachers don’t deserve a supplement increase because we are only doing a “mediocre job.”

Try teaching through a pandemic!

Try teaching students who have lived through major trauma!

Try teaching academic subject matter when social and emotional needs are not being met!

Then tell me that we’re doing a mediocre job!

And I’m angry at the School Board chairman for not begrudging teachers who leave the county for a better paying job. She said, “It’s a geography thing. If I can drive 20 minutes up the road and have $8000 more in my pocket than I was getting at home…I totally understand why they do it.”

There doesn’t seem to be concern in that statement.

There doesn’t seem to be the fight to keep good teachers in the county.

There doesn’t seem to be a fight to keep good teachers at all.

So, yes. I am angry.

My brow is furrowed.

My jaw is clenched.

My heart is rate up.

My body is tense.

I feel defeated…

 

…And then the Pastor has us repeat after her,

And tears fill my eyes:

 

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me bring love.
Where there is offense, let me bring pardon.
Where there is discord, let me bring union.
Where there is error, let me bring truth.
Where there is doubt, let me bring faith.
Where there is despair, let me bring hope.
Where there is darkness, let me bring your light.
Where there is sadness, let me bring joy.
O Master, let me not seek as much
to be consoled as to console,
to be understood as to understand,
to be loved as to love,
for it is in giving that one receives,
it is in self-forgetting that one finds,
it is in pardoning that one is pardoned,
it is in dying that one is raised to eternal life.

 

Oh God: Transform this anger into righteous action, and somehow, through it all, like You, let me be an instrument of peace. Amen.