PreCrastination

 

When I was in college,  

I would wait to finish a major project or paper until the night before it was due. 

Sometimes I would even wait to begin it until the very last moment.

I have two very specific memories of all nighters. 

One, I was in the computer lab in the math building when someone came in and sat down beside me and made me sick.

She had been smoking and wanted to cover up the smell of smoke so she put on a ton of perfume. 

The smell of her perfume was so strong and off-putting that it made my stomach hurt! 

I had to stop what I was doing and go take a walk for a while until she left. 

Or I may have even gone to another computer lab! I don’t remember that detail. 

Two, I had a project due for one of my music classes that required a copying machine and cutting and pasting little excerpts of music. 

I got permission to work in the campus ministry office that night,

And my best friend helped me. 

We finished that project just in time. 

 

In college, I was a procrastinator. 

Today, I am a pre-crastinator.

Instead of waiting until the last minute to do something,

I do most things as early as possible. 

In fact, except for the reading, 

I’ve done all my assignments for my one semester of doctoral program, 

So now I can just coast on out without feeling a huge weight dangling over my head. 

 

I think that’s part of why I didn’t gel with the program. 

There were so many assignments and so much to do that it was hard not only to keep up but also to get ahead.

I felt a huge amount of pressure,

Like something was trailing me and 

Like an impossible task was dangling in front of me

In the dark. 

All in all, it was a very bad feeling.

 

Once I made the decision to stop, however,

The weight lifted,

The pressure relieved,

The carrot stopped dangling, 

And I was able to see the light.

My pre-crastination went into overdrive and I did everything I needed to do to finish my assignments weeks in advance.  

All in all, it is a very good feeling. 

 

It’s a good feeling to be able to check my work,

To look at it with fresh eyes and make appropriate edits,

To not feel rushed or panicked or trapped, 

Which I’ve realized are feelings that shut me down.

 

It’s interesting how we shift over the course of our lives.

In some ways, we stay exactly the same, but in others we make drastic changes.

My move from procrastinator to pre-

crastinator has been gradual but drastic. 

What about you?

What changes have you seen over the course of your life?

Are you happy with those changes or would you rather go back?

If you’d rather go back, what are some steps that you can take to move forward?

 

Oh God,

Thank you for the ability to grow and change,

And thank you for the ability to reflect on those changes.

Help us to look at our lives with open, nonjudgmental eyes, 

To name where we are, 

And to envision where we would like to go.

Thank you for the procrastinators, the pre-crastinators, and the regular -crastinators. 

Wherever we are, and however, we do it,

Help us to do our work and to do it well.

Amen.