In The Waiting

 

If you’ve ever found yourself in the middle of a season of discernment,

Then you know that the work is exhausting.

I am currently in that place with my doctoral program,

And I am exhausted.

Looking at and weighing the options.

Examining the pros and cons.

One day feeling one thing.

The next day feeling something different.

It’s a bit crazy making,

 

Everything gets confusing when I think of the world.

The world doesn’t want us to be content.

The world wants us to always strive for more—

To want more, have more, and do more.

The world demands that we move forward.

When we’re in school,

We push for that next grade level.

When we’re adults,

We push for that next promotion or higher paying job.

We are strongly encouraged to make 5 and 10 year goals—

To not remain where we are in any way.

When we’re young, we’re told to act older.

When we’re old, we’re told we need to do everything we can to look and feel younger.

We are simply are not encouraged to be content where we are.

 

But what’s so wrong with being content?

What’s so wrong with living in the moment and

Seeing where the next moment leads us?

What’s so wrong with planting our feet firmly on the ground

And embracing that we are exactly where we need to be

For exactly the moment we need to be there?

What’s so wrong with staying in one job or career year after year?

What’s so wrong with celebrating the mundane things of life as accomplishment instead of just reserving celebration for big things like graduations and weddings?

What’s so wrong with setting the goal of making it through the day with happiness and joy, having spread love instead of hate?  

What’s so wrong with doing as Jesus tells us and

Not worrying about tomorrow for today has enough troubles of its own?

 

And so I battle back-and-forth between the ways of the world and the ways of God’s kingdom,

Because they are not one in the same,

And I try to quiet the noise and sit with what feels true.

I trust the process and

Give the decision time, space, and prayer,

And in due time, the answer will come.

But in the meantime,

In the waiting,

I sure am tired.

 

May God grant rest to us all.

Amen.