In The Waiting

 

If you’ve ever found yourself in the middle of a season of discernment,

Then you know that the work is exhausting.

I am currently in that place with my doctoral program,

And I am exhausted.

Looking at and weighing the options.

Examining the pros and cons.

One day feeling one thing.

The next day feeling something different.

It’s a bit crazy making,

 

Everything gets confusing when I think of the world.

The world doesn’t want us to be content.

The world wants us to always strive for more—

To want more, have more, and do more.

The world demands that we move forward.

When we’re in school,

We push for that next grade level.

When we’re adults,

We push for that next promotion or higher paying job.

We are strongly encouraged to make 5 and 10 year goals—

To not remain where we are in any way.

When we’re young, we’re told to act older.

When we’re old, we’re told we need to do everything we can to look and feel younger.

We are simply are not encouraged to be content where we are.

 

But what’s so wrong with being content?

What’s so wrong with living in the moment and

Seeing where the next moment leads us?

What’s so wrong with planting our feet firmly on the ground

And embracing that we are exactly where we need to be

For exactly the moment we need to be there?

What’s so wrong with staying in one job or career year after year?

What’s so wrong with celebrating the mundane things of life as accomplishment instead of just reserving celebration for big things like graduations and weddings?

What’s so wrong with setting the goal of making it through the day with happiness and joy, having spread love instead of hate?  

What’s so wrong with doing as Jesus tells us and

Not worrying about tomorrow for today has enough troubles of its own?

 

And so I battle back-and-forth between the ways of the world and the ways of God’s kingdom,

Because they are not one in the same,

And I try to quiet the noise and sit with what feels true.

I trust the process and

Give the decision time, space, and prayer,

And in due time, the answer will come.

But in the meantime,

In the waiting,

I sure am tired.

 

May God grant rest to us all.

Amen.

Confession

I confess:

There are people I don’t like.

There are stereotypes that I struggle to overcome.

I look down on others.

I judge others.

I don’t always tell the full truth.

I don’t always forgive as I should.

Sometimes it feels good to be angry.

Sometimes I belt The Chicks’ “Not Ready To Make Nice.”

Sometimes I cuss.

Sometimes I raise my voice and/or say mean things.

I have taken advantage of others.

I have manipulated the system.

I have doubted the existence of God.

I question God on a daily basis.

I don’t understand prayer.

And I think that Jesus’s teachings are sometimes really tough.

 

I also confess:

There are a lot of people I really like.

There are stereotypes that I have overcome.

I build up others.

I accept others.

I try to live in truth.

I try to forgive by letting go of emotional hurt.

Sometimes it feels good just to laugh.

Sometimes I belt Susan Ashton’s “Stand.”

Sometimes I speak wisely.

Sometimes I remain calm and say affirming things.

I have empowered others.  

I have been a rule follower.

I have been certain of the existence of God.

I thank God on a daily basis.

I pray all the time.

And I think that Jesus’s teachings are life-changing.

 

I am human.

I am both/and.

And you are, too.

And when we each begin to see this—

If we can begin to see this—

It will transform the world.

Freedom

 I’ve been thinking a lot about freedom lately. 

What it means to me as an American and what it means to me as a Christ follower. 

 

I’ve come to the conclusion that they aren’t the same thing. 

 

Yes, I am free to do or say as I wish in both. 

But being a Christian holds greater responsibility than being an American. 

 

Just because I CAN say or do something doesn’t mean that I should. 

Just because I CAN express all my thoughts, emotions, and reactions in real time doesn’t mean than it’s wise to do so. 

 

Scripture tells us that the tongue is a powerful weapon that cannot be tamed, 

That out of the same mouth can come both blessing and curse, 

But that it shouldn’t be so. 

 

Scripture tells us not to let any unwholesome talk come out of our mouths 

But only what is good for building one another up. 

 

Scripture tells us that in Christ, we are all equal, 

That there is neither Jew nor gentile, slave nor free, male and female, 

For in Christ we are one. 

 

Scripture tells us to be guided by the fruits of the spirit: Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. 

 

And self-control means knowing what is good for building one another up, 

For blessing and not cursing, 

For inviting all to Christ’s table, and 

For loving one another, 

Which is Jesus’s greatest command. 

 

So yes, I am free to say or do what I want as an American, 

And I am free to do it real time and share it with whoever cares to listen or see. 

 

But as a Christ follower, in deed and in word, 

I am bound to a higher call.

And that call is not a call of moral superiority and division

But a call of genuine love. 

 

Oh God. 

May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be acceptable on your sight, 

Oh Lord, 

My strength and my redeemer. 

Forgive me 

When they are not. 

And help us do better. 

 

Amen. 

 

Common Humanity

I spent quite a few hours doing homework on Saturday. 

I watched a lot of videos and took a lot of notes and completed one assignment that’s due in week seven. 

It’s currently week three. 

 

The assignment was to examine an extensive list of values 

And to identify our top value in life and work. 

 

After considering the values of

Authenticity,

Making a difference,

Well-being,

Spirituality, and 

Grace,

I realized that none of them felt right. 

 

Then I saw the space to write one in, 

And I thought:

Common humanity. 

And then I wrote: 

 

“My most important value, though not listed in Brene Brown’s values list, is common humanity. Common humanity recognizes that all people share the same inherent dignity, worth, and value. It sees others as fundamentally connected to ourselves and  acknowledges both strengths and struggles as universal. Common humanity responds to others with empathy, fairness, and compassion, and realizes and accepts that we are all on this journey together, sharing the human experience in joys, sorrows, celebrations, sufferings, accomplishments, and imperfections.

 

Common humanity is important to me because it reminds me that we’re all human, and I believe that humanity was created good. We’re all doing our best to survive, even when that best takes on many different forms and expressions. I may not always agree with what someone else does—in fact, I may vehemently disagree with one’s morals, values, attitudes, and actions—but, in the end, we are all human and our humanity ties us together at our core.

 

Common humanity informs my leadership approach in that I want everyone to be the best versions of themselves possible, and so I lead others to that effect. When I lead those with differences that I find challenging, I remind myself of common humanity and remember that there is goodness in that person, too—even when I have to look really, really hard to find it.”

 

May we each remember common humanity today. 

And even when it’s hard,

May we allow common humanity to love. 

 

Amen. 

Music

 

I have an Amazon favorites playlist that has  640 songs on it. 

It’s almost 40 hours of music. 

I have an Amazon old favorites playlist with 275 songs on it. 

That’s almost 19 more hours of music. 

I know the lyrics to almost every song. 

And if I don’t know the lyrics then I at least know the melody. 

That’s almost 1000 songs and sixty hours of music taking up space in my brain

And I didn’t even mean to learn it!

I just listened and absorbed. 

And that’s part of the power of music. 

 

Music is a language. 

It is an expression. 

It is celebration and protest and confession. 

It is feeling when there are no words. 

 

My favorite part of time weekly worship service is called 

The Great Thanksgiving. 

Ever so often we will speak its words instead of singing them, 

But singing them is the best! 

I can be having a rough morning after a rough week 

But as soon as the music starts for The Great Thanksgiving, 

All of the angst goes away and my spirit feels at peace. 

 

Music is powerful. 

It is an expression. 

It is celebration and protest and confession. 

It is feeling when there are no words. 

 

May your week be filled with the music that you need. 

And may that music calm, encourage, strengthen, or empower you in whatever ways you need. 

 

Amen. 

Mrs. Effie

 

I was experiencing worship on Sunday morning, 

Playing my horn, 

Singing,

Praying,

Reading liturgy, 

Partaking in communion, 

When bam! 

A memory hit me and brought me to tears. 

“Precious Lord Take My Hand” made me remember Mrs. Effie from my chaplaincy days.

 

At her skilled nursing facility in Fuquay, 

Mrs. Effie was the light of the whole place. 

Her spirit, her sense of humor, her singing, her faith—

Everyone loved Mrs. Effie, 

Including me. 

 

I spent many hours standing by Mrs. Effie’s bedside, 

Talking with her, 

Praying with her, 

And singing with her. 

Her favorite song was, “Precious Lord Take My Hand.” 

 

As I was remembering Mrs. Effie, 

I went back to my writing from 2013 and found this gem from almost exactly this date. 

What a precious conversation, 

And what a true reflection of my heart. 

 

Me: You’re supposed to rest on Sunday, Mrs. Effie. That’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to go to church and then I’m going to rest. But tonight I’m going to go home and clean the garage for mom and dad and take care of Bullet.

 

Mrs. Effie: That’s why I like you so much, Sweetpie.

 

(I’m thinking, “Because I like dogs?”)

 

Mrs. Effie (continuing): You’re kind. You love your family. You love the church. And you love black people.

 

Me (a bit surprised by her statement but grinning from ear to ear and nodding in agreement): Well. Yes. Yes I do.

 

Mrs. Effie: You love black people. White people. Any color people. It doesn’t matter. You just love people.

 

Me: Yes. I do. And I. Love. YOU.

 

Mrs. Effie (grinning): And I. Love. YOU.

 

Amen. 

 

Celebrate Someone Today

 

I went to see Beauty and the Beast last Wednesday night.

It was the second time that I’d seen the show, but I honestly didn’t remember much about the first time

Except for being on the very back row of the theater with a young girl who stood for as much of the show as she sat. 

 

Beauty and the Beast is one of my favorite Disney stories.

I like the character transformation of the beast, 

I like how Gaston’s narcissism is foiled, 

And I like how confident Belle is in herself. 

 

So I was excited to see the show Wednesday night

And I was not disappointed by the performance. 

It was fun.

It was entertaining.

It was poignant.

And all of the cast members did a wonderful job.

 

But what sticks out to me the most is something that I saw during the curtain call. 

On Wednesday night, the character of Belle was played by an understudy. 

I’ve had show experiences where I could tell that I was watching the understudy

But this was not the case that night.

The woman playing Belle was superb.

Her singing, her acting, and her dancing were all on par and her general spirit  radiated that of Belle. 

So when it came to her part of the curtain call, it is no wonder that she was received with thunderous applause.

But here’s the part that was unique:

 

There was one ensemble cast member who was so genuinely excited for Belle 

That she was jumping up and down and applauding, 

A grin on her face. 

 

I had to wonder:

Was this the understudy’s first time playing the role? 

Was the ensemble member her best friend?

Had we seen an exceptional performance?

Was the ensemble member this excited for every Belle?

 

I can still see her, 

Jumping up and down and clapping in sheer proud joy. 

It was so neat to watch. 

Encouragement upon encouragement. 

And what I hope we can give each other today. 

 

I imagine that you will not be part of a curtain call today

But I hope that you can find someone to cheer for nonetheless. 

Jump up and down,

Grin with joy,

Clap wildly,

For someone is doing something superbly today, 

Even if it’s just getting out of bed and facing the day. 

 

Amen.