Lamanai

 

Many of you know that I have a fear of bats. 

A few years ago, 

A bat secretly got into the house. 

Coming down the stairs, 

I startled it and it flew at my head.

Later that summer,

I heard bats in the attic.

I was afraid to go into the attic for years.

Even now, though we’ve had the house bat proofed as much as it can be, 

I feel a little fear every time I open the attic door. 

 

When we went to the Lamanai Ruins a couple of weeks ago,

Our first stop was the museum and visitor center.

A small creature was flying around the open air space, but I really thought that it was a tiny bird, so I wasn’t very worried.

When someone said that it was a bat, 

I didn’t freak out because it looked more like a butterfly than a bat. 

It was only when our tour guide, Amir, said that the bat had landed on me that I felt a bit of dread.

But even then, I remained relatively calm

Because the bat hadn’t startled me or landed where I could feel it. 

I went about the tour as if nothing strange had happened 

And quietly tucked away the knowledge that a bat had actually landed on me. 

 

As I’ve reflected on this incident, 

I’ve come to realize that maybe it’s not bats that scare me,

Maybe it’s the fear of the unknown.

Maybe it’s the fear of something coming out of nowhere and flying at my head 

Or derailing my plans

Or taking the life of someone that I love.

Maybe it’s knowing that there’s so much that I cannot control,

That situations will come at me

And put me on edge

And leave me standing on the porch crying. 

Maybe it’s not the actual bat. 

Maybe the bat is just a symbol of something I couldn’t name until a bat had landed on me and I didn’t fall apart. 

 

What is it that you fear? 

And is the fear of the thing or is the thing a symbol of something deeper? 

 

Whatever it is, 

Give yourself space. 

Give yourself time. 

Do the work in therapy. 

And know that you are bigger than your fear. 

 

Even if you don’t get to go to Lamanai to figure it out. 

 

Amen.