The Medicine Is Working!

 A few weeks ago,

I posted about beginning a journey with a new anxiety medicine.

In case you read that post and were wondering:

I think the medicine is working!

 

It’s weird.

And difficult to explain.

I’ve always only experienced the world through my disordered eyes,

So it’s hard to know how “normal” feels.

But I think I feel more normal these days.

 

There have been at least four specific instances when I’ve thought,

“I think my medicine is working.”

 

One was last week’s random sleepless night.

My thoughts were everywhere.

I worried about death and dying.

I worried about my trip.

I worried about next school year.

I took a trip down memory lane.

But I didn’t get stuck in any of those worries.

I felt them, and then I put them aside

And moved to something else—

Like calling in a prescription that needed to be filled.

 

Another was unearthing and beginning to go through stuff a decade old.

A few years ago, I’d placed all of my SC WMU files in a box because they were too painful to go through.

Last week, I was finally able to look at them again

And I came to this conclusion:

I did some really good work during my three years there.

It’s taken a long time to own that.

 

Another was preparing for this year’s European vacation.

(Yes. It feels weird writing that! 😜)

I don’t know why anyone would remember this,

But last year I was so full of anxiety during trip preparation that I could barely function.

This year?

I had my worries about luggage and safety and international travel

But I didn’t get stuck in the worries.

I felt them, and then I put them aside

And moved to something else—

Like figuring out which shoes I wanted to pack.

 

Finally, things didn’t go completely as planned at the airport on Tuesday.

Due to weather and flight delays,

There was a very real possibly that we were going to miss our connecting flight to Europe.

I was concerned about what we’d do if we missed our flight,

But I didn’t freak out.

“We’re on adventure,” I said.

“We’ll figure it out as we go.”

 

So, yes.

I think my medicine is working.

I think this may be what normal feels like.

There are still doubts.

There are still worries.

But I can put them aside and move on to something else.

I can function rather than be completely paralyzed by fear.

 

And for that,

I am grateful.

 

Amen.