Sleepless Night

 One of my friends once told me the story of how she ordered plane tickets to New York City in the middle of the night—

While she was asleep!

 

Well, I wasn’t asleep last Wednesday,

But in the middle of the night,

Wide awake,

I reserved two seats at a rooftop restaurant in Budapest, Hungary!

(My aunt and I leave for European vacation tomorrow).

 

I don’t know why,

But I couldn’t sleep that night.

I wasn’t anxious.

I wasn’t sick.

I wasn’t worried.

I just was just full of energy that wouldn’t subside.

I tossed and turned.

I tried to clear my thoughts.

I let my thoughts randomly wander.

And, as one often does in the middle of the night,

I even gave permission for my thoughts to go to all the dark places that I usually try to avoid—

Past mistakes, past failures, past relationship blunders, past hurts, current struggles, etc.

 

In the pain of those moments,

I apologized.

I confessed that I was sorry for all the ways I went wrong,

All the errors I made,

All the ways I wounded people,

Then I heard a little voice saying,

“Your sins are forgiven, child.

You were doing the best that you could do.”

And I cried.

 

As I did during one of the darkest nights of my soul,

I imagined Jesus standing in my door frame,

Walking to my bedside,

Taking my hand,

And letting me cry.

But these were tears of joy and relief,

And I couldn’t have been more grateful.

 

I’d like to report that I went to sleep after that.

But I didn’t.

I stayed up the rest of the night,

Joined Walmart+,

Ordered some stuff,

Dealt with a USAA fraud alert,

Cleaned out my email inboxes,

Cleaned out two bathroom drawers,

And, yes, reserved a place at a rooftop restaurant in Budapest 😊.

 

God: Thank you for being with us at all times and in all places—in the middle of the night in North Carolina, and on vacation in Budapest. And thank you, God, for recognizing that we are each doing our best and for forgiving us when that best goes wonky. Be with all who can’t sleep—for too much worry, for too much adrenaline, for too much pain, for too much work. Grant rest and peace today, God. Amen.