Today I became the official plant waterer of the office. Despite my historically non-green thumb, I’m excited about this new responsibility and the learning possibilities it holds. For instance, did you know that ever so often, you should remove your lucky bamboo plant from its pot, straighten out the roots, wash them, and give them a root cut (just like you would give yourself a haircut)? And did you know that you must do this lest the lucky bamboo roots strangle one another and kill each other off, causing the lucky bamboo plant to yellow and die? I learned this fascinating fact at the doctor’s office yesterday. I had to get some of my meds adjusted. In essence, I had to have my roots pruned so that my fears, worries, and anxieties would stop trying to strangle out my thoughts and emotions and kill my spirit…
As Office Plant Waterer, I will have to be diligent to tend to the livelihood of our office plants. I will need to schedule times for feeding, watering, pruning, and replanting when plants become too large for their pots.
As Deanna Spirit Waterer, I need to be diligent to tend to the livelihood of self. I need to schedule times for feeding, watering, thinking, reading, writing, counseling, music-making, forgiving, letting go, adjusting, moving, and changing when life becomes too uncomfortable where it is…
While my thumb has been non-green in the past, I’m afraid that my whole being has been less green in taking care of my whole self. Five years ago this month, after a lifetime of unintentionally neglecting my spirit, I reached rock bottom and was forced to make a decision: ask for help or slowly suffocate. I chose help.
The decision to ask for help was surprisingly more difficult than it seems it would have been. I didn’t want to appear weak. I didn’t want the truth of non-perfection to be so obvious. I didn’t want the attention of not being okay. For, though my spirit was wasting away, my appearance didn’t show outward signs of danger like the green leaves turned brown on our plants.
Asking for help is not easy. It confirms human limitation, inability, ignorance, and/or brokenness and indicates that we are not as strong as we think we are. Yet I now believe that asking for help is the single most courageous thing that any person can do. It humbles us. It puts us on an equal playing field with those around us. It reminds us that we are but one piece of the world’s puzzle. And it allows us the opportunity not to give but to receive—and for some of us this reminder of balance is crucial.
Yesterday, I learned about lucky bamboo because Tuesday I asked for help again. Just as it was five years ago, asking for help was hard. I cried brave tears of embarrassment, stupidity, shame, and relief as I finally spoke of the anxiety that had been holding me hostage for too long. But soon, Deanna Plant and Spirit Waterer will put my lucky bamboo knowledge into practice with a calmness of spirit that has eluded me as of late. My lucky bamboo will then say thanks and encourage me to ask someone with excellent plant knowledge to coach me with the other plants. For, while failure is one of my biggest fears, the biggest failure of my life would be never asking for help. And, well, I do not want to fail. The plants need me. And my Spirit needs me too.
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