I had one of those moments during worship yesterday when God’s spirit overwhelmed me and I was left in tears. And these weren’t small, unnoticeable tears. These were large, uncontrollable tears that streamed down my face, onto my neck, and into my shirt. And I totally didn’t expect it.
The preacher began to preach, and I began to cry. At first, I cried tears of sadness for grieving family members, lost traditions, and the deep hurts of this world.
Then I cried tears of conviction as I realized just how small my faith had become. I live and breathe God and theology and the ministry and the church, yet somehow my faith has become stagnant and stale. The preacher asked one very simple question: Will you believe in what God can do this Christmas? If God came to earth in the form of the Christ-child over two thousand years ago and if that Christ-child changed how we view the law, how we treat humanity, and how we believe in true life eternal, then why could God not do it again? Why could God not take normal, hum-drum reality and transform it into something more wonderful than anything we can imagine? Why could God not take stagnant, stale, or impossible reality and breathe new life into existence? If I believe in our God of Advent—our God of life and creation—our God that I profess to love and serve with my whole life—then should I not believe in what God can do this Christmas? And not just this Christmas, but in life in general?
Then I cried tears of, oh, I don’t know what they were tears of, but they came as I prayed the Lord’s prayer and asked God to “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.” If I am honest, then I must confess that there are many people and institutions who I feel have trespassed against me—who have hurt me with words, actions, and deeds because of theological or political beliefs, past actions, and other issues that need not be discussed. If I am honest, then I must confess that there are many people and institutions toward which I feel bitter and judgmental and for whom I have lost belief that anything good can come. Yet if I am to live as one forgiven, and if I am to hope that others will grant forgiveness toward me, then I must extend forgiveness—and hope—to those who have trespassed against me. I must release the bitterness and judgment that I feel—however overt it is—because I really didn’t realize it was there to the extent with which I was tearful yesterday—if I am to live with a faith that is healthy and whole and that believes in what God can do.
One of my favorite passages of scripture is Isaiah 55. I like the whole passage, but my favorite verses are from 8-13: “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are my ways your ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth:It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands. Instead of the thornbush will grow the pine tree, and instead of briers the myrtle will grow. This will be for the Lord’s renown, for an everlasting sign which will not be destroyed.”
Oh, Deanna. Oh that you would remember these words. Oh that you would live into these beliefs that God is so much bigger than you and that God can do so much more than anything you can imagine.
And oh, dear friends. Won’t you join me in this confession? Won’t you allow yourself to cry tears of grief for those who are hurting, repentance for faith that is dying, and whatever other emotion needs to be cried for whatever conviction God lays upon your heart?
And then, together, may we go out in joy and be led forth in peace this holiday season, answering yes to this question and to the God whom we love and serve: Will you believe in what God can do this Christmas today?
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