Chronic Anxiety Is No Joke

 

Living with chronic anxiety is no joke.

With therapy and medication,

The anxiety is usually manageable,  

But sometimes it still rears its ugly head

And paralyzes me with dread. 

Sometimes it makes sense.

Sometimes it doesn’t.

Sometimes things that should cause worry don’t. 

And sometimes things that should not be an issue leave me feeling sick.

 

…

 

Cats are somewhat self-sufficient creatures.

They sleep.

They eat.

They clean themselves. 

They play ever so often. 

And then they sleep some more.

Granted, my cats are spoiled.

They eat whatever they want and they go in and out of the house multiple times a day.

We are there to serve them.

And they are fat and happy. 

 

So it makes no sense whatsoever that I completely fell apart the other night when thinking of leaving them alone, 

Under a friend’s care, 

For a few days. 

But I did. 

My anxiety went through the roof. 

I saw Annie and burst into tears and began apologizing profusely. 

I told her I was sorry for leaving her,

That she’d be okay, and that 

I loved her. 

She tried to bite me. 

 

But it wasn’t just the cats. 

It was other stuff too. 

I95. 

A hurting world. 

Struggling friends. 

Secondary traumas and griefs. 

A Christmas break going by too fast. 

The expectation of reviewing 2025 and setting goals for 2026. 

Those things are relatively normal for people who don’t struggle with anxiety,

But for those of us who do, 

The worrisome parts of all of those things amplify themselves times 1 million

And make fear and uncertainty the main characters of the plot. 

 

It’s a terrible feeling when this happens.

It’s helpless

And sad

And involves an ache in the pit of the stomach, 

A tense back, 

And tears streaming down the face. 

 

…

 

I write this not for pity 

But for common humanity. 

Chronic anxiety is not something that can just be shaken off 

And ignored. 

It’s real. 

And it affects those who have a good life and may seem to have it all together. 

Sometimes we can look back and laugh about an attack and realize how ridiculous it was. 

But in the moment, 

It’s absolutely no fun and takes every amount of deep breathing and reminders that only the present is real 

To make it through. 

 

So be kind to all you meet. 

For each of us is fighting a great battle. 

And the cats will be okay.

 

May it be so. 

 

Amen.