More On Fear

 On Saturday night, I posted a note entitled, “What Are We So Afraid Of?”

 

In response to the note, a deeply respected former missionary, now friend, gently asked the question: When did disagreeing with another person’s point of view become equated with fear?

 

Late that night, in a sleepy haze, I simply responded: “That’s a good question. I don’t think that disagreeing is always fear. I think it becomes fear when it shuts us down to being open to communication with another person or group of people—when it leads to a judgment that is held with an attitude of moral superiority and keeps us from seeing and loving and hearing the person or group of people. There are a lot of things I disagree with. But I try not to let those things interfere with the relationship or the good of what could be.”

 

Upon further reflection, I’ve realized a few more things:

 

I am an ENFJ on the Myers Briggs. Harmony in relationships is the single most important thing in my life; therefore, I am hopelessly committed to being in relationship with people—in finding the good in the person and figuring out how to forge forward from there. Even with people that I do not like—and there are people that I do not like—I give the benefit of the doubt and attempt to love them with a love deeper than human liking. I try to remember that we are all created in God’s image and that God loves each of us…even though it’s hard to understand how God can love those who perpetuate hate. I think that my late night answer reflects this deep desire to be in relationship with people…yet I know that people who are ST’s on the Myers Briggs may feel completely different.

 

My first counselor, Jenny the Counselor, narrowed down dreams into two categories: fear dreams and wish/hope dreams. While the two categories seem rather simple for the intricate world of dreams, I’ve come to appreciate her concise categories. I often label my dreams as one or the other and the simple act of labeling helps me understand where I am at that moment.

 

As such, I’ve realized that these two categories have spread into more of my life’s labeling. I think that most things are either fear or hope. I think that fear drives much of modern society and that media plays on the idea of fear—fear of losing money, fear of getting fat, fear of getting old, fear of dying, fear of violence, fear of failure, fear of being wrong, fear of someone else being right, fear of someone else’s success, fear of being mocked and ridiculed, fear of the different, fear of losing power, fear of the unknown, and the fears could go on. So I think that my late night question is rooted in my understanding of fear. I don’t necessarily mean fear in a true psychological sense—as in fight, flight, or freeze—as in looking out for lions—although that fear is very real. I mean fear as the opposite of hope—the opposite of wish—the opposite of goodness—the opposite of peace.

 

Finally, I’ve said this before, but I’ll say it again: I think we’ve forgotten how to disagree. No matter what I do, I cannot MAKE someone change his/her mind. I can speak my truth. I can act out my truth in love. I can fight for my truth. But I cannot force another person to believe like me. But neither can I choose not to love them. This goes back to my ENFJ. I will fight for some type of relationship while others will disassociate with those who don’t agree. Either way, words shouldn’t be spoken in judgmental, hateful anger or disdain. Words should be spoken with righteous anger or respect, and the good and salvation of all humankind should be the goal. 

 

May we learn to identify fear for fear and hope for hope, and may we remember how to disagree.

 

May we live in healthy relationship with one another, and may goodness and salvation be our light.

 

There are a lot of ugly things out there. A lot of things truly to be afraid of. But there is hope as well.

 

And there is love. And true love drives out fear.

 

Amen.