The Volcanic Brain Blender and Rest

God created the world in six days and then rested on the seventh.
Jesus traveled and taught and healed and loved until he could do no more and then found retreat to rest and pray.
God commands that we remember the Sabbath and keep it holy.
Jesus tells all who are weary and heavy-laden to come to him and find rest.
So why is it so hard?
Why is it so hard simply to rest?

Yesterday, I played Dixit with my niece and nephews. Dixit is game where one player, the active player, gives a description of one of the six art-cards in his/her hand and the other players each choose a card in their hands that best matches the description. All cards are laid down, mixed up, and turned over. Players must then choose which card they think was the active player’s card. Points are awarded according to the game’s point system until a winner is declared. The kids really enjoy playing Dixit, and I enjoy playing with them. Sometimes it’s hard to guess which card matches the description of “really weird” or “scary” or “strange” when most of the game-cards could fit those descriptions, but it certainly is fun to try.

During one of my turns in yesterday’s game, I laid down the image of a volcano erupting with various types of symbols. Some were mathematical. Some were musical. Some were literary. They all were mixed up and random and exploding at the same time. The description that I gave? “What my mind does when I try to fall asleep.”

Joe the Counselor calls this the brain blender. I’ve studied enough centering prayer and meditation practices to know some techniques that help work through and let go of the volcanic blender of thoughts that explosively run toward me when I slow down to sleep, but it’s still frustrating to be chased by thoughts of what I could be or need to be doing if I find time to lay down to rest during the day or thoughts of what I could have done better or what might possibly happen in the future when I lay down to sleep at night.

I like to sleep. I find genuine pleasure in snuggling into bed and think it’d be great if America would adopt the idea of taking a siesta each day—or if Kindergarten would simply take a nap each day! And yet we don’t. We, as a society, are expected to do as much as we can with the time that we’re given—whether it be pleasurable activity or the work that pays to fund those pleasurable activities. And we, as a church, are taught to serve others selflessly—whether it be with our time or our talents. For those of us who are recovering people-pleasers with a genuine heart to serve others, this doesn’t create much time for guiltless rest—except at night when our bodies crash—and then we must work through the volcanic brain blender.

I meant to send one of my friends a birthday present last week. When I wrote her to tell her that I’d not gotten to the post office to mail her gift, I mentioned that I’d been sleeping in the moments when I wasn’t scheduled to be somewhere to needed to help around the house. I also apologized for this. She responded:

You are absolutely correct that I’m not concerned about my present not being mailed—except that it is something from you and that makes me happy! But I am concerned about you. Perhaps part of the “problem” is that you are tired?!?! You give 200% all school year and at church and I know you’ve been helping your mom. So, when is your time just to rest? Don’t be too hard on yourself—if you don’t need to get up for a few days, don’t get up. Refuel your physical body even as you renew your spiritual body. I love you very much!

Her message made me cry.

Joe the Counselor said that I’d be surprised by how many people said that what they wanted and needed most was to get more rest.

God created the world in six days and then rested on the seventh.
Jesus traveled and taught and healed and loved until he could do no more and then found retreat to rest and pray.
God commands that we remember the Sabbath and keep it holy.
Jesus tells all who are weary and heavy-laden to come to him and find rest.
So why is it so hard?
Why is it so hard simply to rest?

Oh God, help us to rest.
And to know that it’s okay.
Even good.
And needed.
To rest.
Amen.