I have vivid dreams.
For instance, I dreamed last night that I hadn’t completed my English project and that my failure to do so was going to result in my making a B in the class. I sat my parents down and warned them that my 4.0 was going to be blemished and then I agonized over the fact that the project had stumped me. While agonizing over lunch, a student showed me an art project that he had completed for class and I was so fascinated by it that I stayed in the cafeteria to discuss it. I got so caught up in discussing the student’s artwork that I completely missed English class. Knowing that I never missed class, my teacher/professor—a combination of my favorite junior English teacher and my favorite college English professor—called for me over the intercom. I was to report to the principal’s office. As I walked through the hall to the principal’s office, one of my bottom front teeth fell out. At first, I was proud to have lost my tooth, but then I realized that it wasn’t a baby tooth and that it wasn’t a positive thing that it had come out. And that’s when, all at the same moment, the hallway traffic became so crowded that I couldn’t move, I realized that it was time for car duty, and I realized that I wasn’t going to make it to the principal’s office as summoned. As I called the school to let the principal know that I had car duty and would thus not be reporting as requested, I began flying to the parking lot. As I flew, I saw a couple sitting outside on a picnic blanket and we waved. And that’s the last thing I remember…from that dream.
Unfortunately, most of my dreams for the past couple of weeks have had something to do with school—and most of them have been full of complications, angst, problems, or worries. I suppose that my dreams are reflecting the anxiety that I feel about returning to school—a somewhat unwarranted anxiety brought on my unknown scheduling, classes, committees, duties, meetings, and lesson plans—and I suppose that both my waking and sleeping thoughts are working together to multiply whatever anxieties I’m feeling.
So I suppose that I shouldn’t be surprised that I heard a wise voice say to me this morning, “If you’re going to pray about it, don’t worry. If you’re going to worry about it, don’t pray.”
While interviewing for my chaplaincy internship, I heard about a placement at a skilled nursing facility. Though the placement was far outside my comfort zone, I felt an immediate pull toward the location that could not be explained. After volunteering for the position, I quickly began to wonder what I’d gotten myself into. After visiting the facility for the first time, I felt completely overwhelmed. Yet it was that placement and those people that eventually stole my heart and changed the way that I see and value the dignity of all human life.
It was during one of my visits that I heard the voice that spoke to me this morning. Amongst other things, I was extremely worried about my parents traveling alone to Florida and I was sharing my worries with my friend Keisha. After listening to me for a few minutes, she looked at me with a sassy look in her eyes, clicked her tongue, and emphatically told me, “If you’re going to pray about it, don’t worry. If you’re going to worry about it, don’t pray.” Then she puckered her mouth and raised her eyebrows as if to dare me to argue with her.
That’s how Keisha is. Unable to move from the neck down but totally able to express herself with her face. Unable to use her vocal chords but able completely and clearly able to communicate with words. Unable to breathe through her mouth and nose but able to taste and swallow—hot fries are her favorite! Unable to physically leave her bed alone but able to soar through the heavens with her thoughts and prayers.
“If you’re going to pray about it, don’t worry. If you’re going to worry about it, don’t pray.”
Thanks, Keisha, for that defining moment in your old room, standing by your printer, surrounded by butterflies, filled with love for one another.
I will begin praying about school and attempt to stop worrying. Hopefully my dreams will listen, and I will not fail anymore projects or lose anymore teeth.
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